Sonnets of Life
by Raindrops on Roses
Summary: [Complete] AJ and Mac are brought together through the power of Shakespeare.
1. Part 1

Sonnets of Life 

Author: kitty72885

Rating: PG-13

Category: R (AJ/Mac)

Disclaimer: Although it would be nice to own these characters, it'll only happen in my dreams (or fanfic!). No, they all belong to Belisarius Productions, Paramount, CBS, and all the big shots. (Except for Hannah, she's mine.)

Spoilers: I'm not sure exactly what I may be alluding to later, so we'll just say everything through Family Business is game.

Author's Notes: This is my first fanfic, so please, be gentle. I got the idea for this when I was thumbing through a book of Shakespeare's sonnets at the library. Also, big thanks to my beta, Rebecca, for title suggestions. Character's thoughts are in italics (_'text'_), speech is in quotes ("text").

Please R&R.

  
  
  
Thou blind fool, Love, what dost thou to mine eyes,   
That they behold, and see not what they see?   
They know what beauty is, see where it lies,   
Yet what the best is, take the worst to be.   
If eyes, corrupt by over-partial looks,   
Be anchored in the bay where all men ride,   
Why of eyes' falsehood hast thou forged hooks,   
Whereto the judgment of my heart is tied?   
Why should my heart think that a several plot,   
Which my heart knows the wide world's common place?   
Or mine eyes seeing this, say this is not,   
To put fair truth upon so foul a face?   
In things right true my heart and eyes have erred,   
And to this false plague are they now transferred.   
--Sonnet 137   
  
  


Saturday, 2 November 2002   
Chegwidden Residence   
McLean, VA   
2245 ZULU

  


AJ Chegwidden gulped another glass of wine. He didn't want to believe it, but the evidence was right there in front of him.

_How could I have been so blind?_ AJ wondered.

He had received the call on Monday, after staff meeting. The private detective he had hired to trail her had finally gotten the proof of what AJ had suspected for some time. He had met Hannah Williams at the new SecNav's party. She was beautiful, with long blonde hair, cool green eyes, and a figure any man would want to get his hands on. Neither of them had been accompanied by a date, so each was glad they wouldn't have to spend the entire time bored out of their skulls. They had shared many interests, and AJ was relieved to notice that Hannah knew her own limitations. AJ and Hannah had enjoyed each other's company very much, and Hannah had invited AJ back to her apartment for a nightcap. _And a bit more,_ AJ thought bitterly as he remembered that night. Hannah was a very willing lover; she had no inhibitions, and was very enthusiastic in bed. Of course, he didn't fight very hard; ever since he and Meredith parted ways, he had been in need of some feminine company.

AJ looked at the pictures again, his anger growing every second. _How dare she betray me like that? I trusted her, and she threw it back in my face._

He and Hannah had grown close; he had even told her about his nightmares. Then, he began to notice things. Things like love bites where he hadn't put them. Other men's clothing in her apartment. She started breaking dates. When he heard that she had been seen at a benefit concert with her date, he had hired the detective. It only took the detective a week to gather the proof.

When he had gotten the call, he felt like he had been punched in the gut. The sense of betrayal left the former SEAL breathless. He had called Hannah and asked to see her on Saturday night. He didn't want to talk about this over the phone, and he sure as hell didn't want to talk about it in the office, where his officers would be sure to overhear the conversation.

He saw the car lights flash across the wall as she pulled into the driveway. _Well, Chegwidden, it's showtime._

* * *

"Hello, AJ! Sorry I'm late. The traffic on the Beltway was just awful," Hannah said as she breezed past him into the house. She went straight to the kitchen and pulled a bottle of water from the refrigerator, then returned to the living room.

"Hannah, we need to talk," AJ stated flatly as she took a seat on the couch.

"About what, darling?" Hannah asked, with a puzzled look on her face.

"About this."

He handed the detective's photos to her, and Hannah had the decency to blush. Then, she became defensive.

"So, you've been having me followed, AJ? I thought you trusted me?" Hannah demanded indignantly.

AJ snorted. "I did trust you, Hannah. But there was too much evidence to ignore. The only reason I'm giving you a chance to explain is because I trusted you."

"I--I'm sorry, AJ, I really am. I never meant--"

"To hurt me? To betray me? Well, you did, Hannah."

"AJ, he didn't mean anything to me. He was just a one-night stand, a diversion, if you will. Please, AJ, forgive me. I--"

AJ glared at her disgustedly. "Don't even say it. We both know it's a lie. I would like you to leave now, Ms. Williams."

Hannah rose regally from her seat on the couch. "Fine, Admiral Chegwidden. If you want to be petty and insecure, then by all means, do so."

AJ finally lost his temper. "Petty? Insecure?" he bellowed. "Of course I'm going to be insecure! Goddamn it, woman, you cheated on me! You not only betrayed me, but did so with one of my officers!" He took a deep breath, and visibly calmed himself. "Get the hell out of my house, Hannah Williams, before I throw you out myself." He had never been so close to violence with a woman in his life.

"Goodbye, AJ. I hope you can find it in you, in time, to forgive us both." Hannah turned and left.

_So do I, Hannah, so do I._ He looked at the pictures one final time, before tossing them into the fireplace and lighting a match. He watched as the image of Hannah, locked in a heated embrace with one Harmon Rabb, Jr., turned into ash.

  
  
  


Saturday, 2 November 2002   
Mac's Apartment   
Georgetown, DC   
2300 ZULU

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

The sound of the screamed obscenity echoed through the otherwise quiet apartment. "Mac, I'm sorry, I--"

"You know, Harm, I'm sorry too. You want to know what I'm sorry about? I'm sorry that I ever deluded myself into thinking that I was in love with you! You are a coward and a fool, Harmon Rabb. You couldn't even tell me that you didn't want to see me anymore? Goddamn it, Harm, what's the matter with you, couldn't you keep your zipper zipped for five minutes?" Mac ranted, not caring if the rest of the building heard her as she tore into Harm.

"Mac, listen to me, will you? I never meant--"

"What, Harm, what didn't you mean? You never meant to hurt me? Or you never meant it when you said you loved me? I'm thinking it's the latter, Harm, because if you didn't mean to hurt me, you sure as hell wouldn't have slept with another woman!"

Harm was thankful he wasn't there; he had no desire to face the Marine's wrath in person. He remained silent, and sure enough, Mac went on.

Mac continued in a deceptively calm voice, "So, tell me, Harm, was she good? I certainly hope so, for your sake; because I swear, Harmon Rabb, if I ever get my hands on you, you'll only have memories. Not only will I castrate you, I will enjoy every second of it." Mac tried to calm herself down; she knew she was getting carried away, but castrating Harm was sounding like a good prospect at the moment.

"Mac, how do you know that I cheated on you, anyway? Do you have proof?" Harm was starting to get into his interrogation mode.

"Oh, no, Commander, don't even try it. I do have evidence. Your Honor," she snorted. `Honor? Yeah, right.' "Exhibit number one, a man's undershirt with perfume on it, not mine. Exhibit number two, a woman's undergarments, again, not mine. And finally, I'd like to offer to the court one final piece of evidence: one recording of a...very intimate...telephone conversation between a Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr., and a Ms. Hannah Williams."

Harm was screwed, and he knew it, but tried to put Mac on the defensive. "So you've been recording my private conversations, Colonel Mackenzie?"

"No, Commander Rabb, I haven't. A friend thought that I deserved to know that my boyfriend had been sneaking around with another woman." Before Harm could reply, Mac concluded the conversation. "Commander, I would prefer not to speak to you again outside of a professional capacity. If you try to come over, I will have you arrested for trespassing. If you try to contact me again in any way, I will get a restraining order against you. Bring my belongings to JAG on Monday. I will return yours to you as well. Have I made myself clear?"

"Crystal, Colonel," Harm replied flatly, and hung up.

Mac placed the handset on the cradle before she gave into the temptation to hurl it across the room. _Goddamn, mother-fucking, son of a bitch! I can't believe he would to this to me!_ she seethed angrily. _He has such a holier-than-thou demeanor. What a hypocrite!_

Mac sighed, "I could really use a drink." _No! I will not let that sanctimonious bastard bring me down! I've survived this before, and I'll do it again._

She decided to take a long, hot shower, and then turn in.

As the hot water soothed her body, her mind was going a million miles a minute. _Why can't I ever make a relationship work? What is so wrong with me that no man stays? You know what, screw him. I'm a Marine. I certainly don't need a man to complete my life,_ she sneered inwardly. _I especially don't need one who screws around with other women. How much ya wanna bet she's blonde? Another one of Harm's blonde-haired, bubble-brained, big-breasted bimbos._

She got out of the shower, dried herself off, and pulled her nightgown on. She did her nightly check of the apartment, making sure all the windows and the door was locked, and turned off all of the lights. As she climbed into bed, she felt a vague spark of recognition at the name of the woman. _Hannah...Williams, was it? Isn't that..._

Before Mac could complete the thought, she fell asleep.

  
  
  


Monday, 4 November 2002   
JAG HQ   
Falls Church, VA   
1300 ZULU

"Commander." Mac greeted Harm curtly.

"Mac." Harm smiled, hoping to ease some of her anger.

"Here are your belongings; I assume you have mine."

"Mac, please, give me another chance--"

"Commander Rabb, I believe I explained this to you on Saturday. You may address me by my rank; only my friends are allowed to address me otherwise. Now, may I please have my things?"

"Certainly, Colonel," Harm replied acidly. Thrusting the box into her hands, and then grabbing his, he turned sharply and walked away.

Mac knew she should apologize for her rudeness, but right now, she didn't give a damn. Harm had hurt her severely; he had betrayed her trust, and she didn't want to let him close enough to hurt her again. She placed the box on the passenger seat of her `Vette, then went inside.

* * *

"Good morning, Colonel! How was your weekend?" Lieutenant Harriet Sims chirped brightly.

Mac pasted a false smile on her face. "Good morning, Harriet. My weekend was..._a living hell_...eventful, to say the least. How was your weekend?"

Harriet noticed the dark circles under Mac's eyes, and the determined set of her chin. _Uh-oh,_ Harriet thought, _what has the Commander done now?_ "Colonel, are you alright, ma'am?"

Mac sighed. She knew Harriet wouldn't drop it until she knew the entire story. _At least she isn't a gossip._ "Come into my office, Harriet. I'll tell you what happened."

Harriet followed Mac into her office, and shut the door. "What did he do now, ma'am?"

Mac chuckled. "Harriet, we're having a personal conversation. The least you can do is call me Mac."

"Sorry, ma'am--err, Mac. So, what did he do now, Mac?"

Mac smiled briefly, and then blurted, "He cheated on me."

"He what?!" Harriet shrieked.

"Jeez, Harriet, I don't want the entire office to know! He cheated on me with some woman, Hannah something, and I broke up with him Saturday."

"Are you sure, Mac? I mean, I wouldn't think the Commander--"

"Oh, I'm positive, Harriet. I confronted him with the evidence Saturday, and he didn't even deny it."

"I'm so sorry, Mac."

"So am I, Harriet. Sorry that I didn't come to my senses sooner. I knew that Harm was commitment-phobic, but I didn't think he would be that stupid or selfish."

"Well, Mac, I don't know how to put this..."

"Yes?"

Harriet started to fidget a bit. "Permission to speak freely, ma'am?"

"Go ahead, Harriet." Mac was amused by Harriet's nervousness. Usually, she wasn't so shy about speaking her mind.

"Well, ma'am, I never really thought that Commander Rabb was good enough for you. I know I wanted you two to get together, but... ever since Bud came home, I've realized how important true, strong love is. The Commander's love is more like possessiveness. He needs to feel he has control over the people around him, especially the woman he is seeing."

"You know, Harriet, you're right. I've been letting Harm control my heart for far too long. Everything I've done, everyone I've seen in the past seven years, I've done because he approved of it, or he expected me to do it. Maybe it's time to take my life into my own hands, and do what I want for a change. Thanks for listening, Harriet."

"If I may ask, how did you find out that the Commander was seeing another woman?"

"Let's just say...a little birdie told me." Mac chuckled, thinking, _Or a little spook._ Webb was a good friend; a little arrogant at times, and he had the tendency to get the JAG staff into trouble, but a good friend, nonetheless. _I wonder if Harm's tried to interrogate him yet about how I found out._ Mac smirked.

Harriet smiled. "Oh, fine, then don't tell me. I'll talk to you later, ma'am; the Admiral won't be too happy if I spend too much time in here. He certainly isn't in a very good mood today."

"OK, Harriet. We'll talk later. I'll give you the full details when there aren't so many inquiring minds around."

As Harriet exited the office, Mac turned her attention to the mounds of paperwork on her desk. She pulled out the Henderson file and started brushing up on the facts of the case. If the Admiral was in a bad mood, she certainly didn't want to get caught in the crossfire. She worked for the next half hour, and then collected her things for Monday morning staff meeting.


	2. Part 2

Sonnets of Life Part 2 

Disclaimers in part 1

* * *

In loving thee thou know'st I am forsworn,   
But thou art twice forsworn to me love swearing:   
In act thy bed-vow broke, and new faith torn   
In vowing new hate after new love bearing.   
But why of two oaths' breach do I accuse thee,   
When I break twenty? I am perjured most,   
For all my vows are oaths but to misuse thee,   
An all my honest faith in thee is lost.   
For I have sworn deep oaths of thy deep kindness,   
Oaths of thy love, thy truth, thy constancy,   
And to enlighten thee gave eyes to blindness,   
Or made them swear against the thing they see:   
For I have sworn thee fair: more perjured eye,   
To swear against the truth so foul a lie.   
--Sonnet 152   
  
  


Monday, 4 November 2002   
JAG HQ   
Falls Church, VA   
1400 ZULU

The atmosphere in the conference room was tense. Very tense. Mac and Harm kept shooting dirty looks at each other while the other officers watched worriedly. Harriet knew the reason behind the strained silence, but had kept it to herself. She knew that everything would come out in due time.

Mac thought, _'I swear, he acts as if this is all **my** fault! **I'm** not the one who's been sleeping with another person. If he gives me another look, I'm going to either scream or strangle him!'_

Harm thought, _'She could have let me explain. I mean, it was just a fling.'_

Sturgis, who had finally grown used to the interaction between his old Academy buddy and the beautiful Marine Colonel, was hoping--no, praying--to get an out-of-town assignment today. He really did not want to be anywhere in the D.C. metropolitan area when this came to a head. He had already refused to listen to Harm about whatever was going on between him and Mac. Sturgis was a prudent man, and knew enough to stay out of his colleagues' personal lives. _'Especially after that fiasco with the Admiral!'_ He groaned inwardly, remembering his and Harm's aborted attempts to play matchmaker.

Bud realized there was something going on; he just couldn't put his finger on it. Ever since he had returned to JAG, there was a certain tension, but it hadn't been unpleasant. _'Until today!'_ He was hoping Harriet could shed some light on the reason for the shift in environment.

The Admiral briskly entered the conference room. Before the customary "Attention on deck!" could be called, he gruffly uttered, "As you were."

The tension in the room was so thick, one could cut it with a dull knife. Pointedly not looking at Harm, AJ took his seat, and barked, "Let's get this week started."

Harm was sweating bullets. He was praying to whatever higher powers to listen to him that the Admiral didn't know about him and Hannah. _'Oh, God, please, please, please, don't let him find out. I rather like life, thank you very much.'_ He knew that even if the Marine sitting across from him hadn't killed him yet, there was a definite chance the former SEAL at the head of the table would.

AJ wondered if Mac had found out about Rabb's unfaithfulness. He was no fool; he had known for months that his Chief of Staff and senior attorney had been sleeping together. He just hadn't wanted to do anything to lose one of them. _'Well, AJ, old boy, now you just might!'_

AJ cleared his throat and began. "There has been an incident out at NAS Pensacola. One of the female RIOs, a Lieutenant (JG) Olivia Trent, has reported a Lieutenant Jeffrey Slate for sexual harassment. Commander Rabb, you will defend; Lieutenant Silva, you will prosecute."

"Aye, sir," the two officers responded in unison, as they accepted the case files.

Harm and Mac both breathed sighs of relief. _'Thank God!'_

AJ noticed the relief radiating off both officers, and wondered, _'I wonder if she knows, after all?'_ He shook this thought off, and continued. "Commander Turner, we have reports coming from Norfolk of someone sabotaging the offices' computers. All work has ground to a complete halt, and the offices have been shut down pending a JAGman investigation. Find out who is doing this, and quickly. Lieutenant Roberts."

"Yes, sir?" Bud looked at his commanding officer curiously.

"I am sending you with Commander Turner. See if you can track wherever this is coming from."

"Aye, sir." Bud could hardly contain his surprise and pleasure. Ever since he had returned to restricted duty, Bud had spent most of his time at JAG Ops or the Pentagon. This was the first time he would be going on-site since May. Harriet beamed at her husband. She was proud of how he hadn't let his injury keep him down. Of course, there were times he wanted to give up, but with his friends behind him, he kept on going. _'It also helped when his father finally showed up!'_ she thought sarcastically. She wanted to like Big Bud, she really did, but what he had done to her husband... Harriet forced her mind away from those thoughts, and back to the meeting.

"Colonel Mackenzie--" AJ began. He was interrupted by the intercom buzzing.

"Sir?" The voice of AJ's yeoman, Petty Officer Tiner, interrupted them.

AJ hit the intercom button, and replied impatiently, "What is it, Tiner?"

_'Why did I interrupt the staff meeting? He's in a bad enough mood already...'_ Tiner berated himself for the action. He knew that he would bear the brunt of the Admiral's wrath, and didn't want to further anger him. He took a deep breath, and replied, "There's a woman on Line 2, sir. She didn't give me her name, just asked to talk to you."

"Well, tell her to call back. We should be done in ten minutes."

"Aye, sir."

AJ refocused on the meeting. "Colonel, give us--" The intercom buzzed again. "Dammit, Tiner, now what?"

"Well, sir... sir, at least let me tell him you're here!"

"Good morning, AJ," Webb breezed into the conference room, ignoring the glares being shot at him.

"Webb, what do you want?" Harm snapped at the spy.

"Shut up, Commander," Mac and AJ barked in unison.

"Well, Rabb, I'm not here to see you, if that's what you're thinking. AJ, I need to talk to you."

"Well, you can wait in my office as well. We should be done in ten more minutes... **with no interruptions**." He said this part loudly enough for Tiner to hear.

"Aye-aye, Admiral," Webb replied, smirking. He gave AJ a flippant salute, then walked out.

"Now, Colonel, do you have an update on the Henderson case?"

"Yes, sir, I do." Mac spent the next few minutes outlining what she had found from her investigation, and concluded, "All in all, a pretty open-and-shut case, sir."

"Very good, Colonel, very good. Well, that about wraps it up. Dismissed!"

The officers at the table rose and replied, "Aye-aye, sir!"

Returning to his office, AJ wondered, _'What does Webb want this time? He said that he didn't need to talk to Rabb... so does he need Mac? Why?'_ He sighed, knowing he would be told what the secretive operative wanted... eventually.

"Webb. Why are you here, and why did you interrupt my staff meeting?"

"Good to see you too, AJ."

AJ just rolled his eyes, crossed his arms over his chest, and waited for whatever spook explanation Webb was about to give.

"I need to borrow a couple of your officers. Just for tonight."

"Why?"

Webb sighed, not bothering to give a smart-assed response. _'Uh-oh,'_ thought AJ. _'What is he getting us into this time?'_

"Just call Mac and Commander Turner in here, please."

Raising his eyebrow, AJ asked, "Since when do you give me orders, Webb, and in my own office, no less?" He did as asked, however, and moments later Mac and Sturgis stood at attention in front of his desk.

"Colonel Mackenzie and Commander Turner reporting as ordered, sir."

"At ease. I called you in here by Mr. Webb's request. Webb, would you care to explain what you want? And may I suggest the truth, for once?"

Webb smirked slightly then got down to business. "There's a ball tonight at the Chinese Embassy. We have reason to believe that one of the attendees has been smuggling classified documents out of the country, and that a deal will be going down tonight. I want Mackenzie and Turner on the inside to report on any suspicious activities."

"Why does this sound familiar?" Mac muttered to no one in particular.

"I know, we tried it once before; but, hopefully, this time nobody will get shot."

"Oh, is that why you didn't want Commander Rabb to go?" Mac chuckled, thinking of her ex-partner's propensity to find trouble like a heat-seeking missile.

"Well, that, and the fact that he has the subtlety of a heart attack. We have no desire to shoot up the place, and we don't want to tip our hand to the other side. Your language skills would also come in handy, Mac, and the Commander over here is a good investigator, from what I've heard."

Mac grinned, and said, "I'm game if you are, Sturgis." _'Maybe it'll help keep me from thinking too much. God only knows I could use a night out, even if it's for business, not pleasure.'_

"Sure, Mac, why not? I'll have to locate my mess dress, though."

At this, the intercom on AJ's desk buzzed. "Yes, Tiner?"

"Sir, you have a call on line one. It's that woman again."

_'Well, can't put her off forever. May as well nip this in the bud now.'_ Sighing, AJ replied, "Put her through, Tiner."

When he saw the light blink, he lifted the receiver, punched the button, and barked, "Chegwidden."

Mac watched the play of emotion cross AJ's face. First anger, then resentment, disgust, and finally resignation. She tried not to listen to the conversation, but a name caught her ear.

"Hannah, this is neither the time nor the place for this discussion; besides, I thought I had laid it out pretty clearly on Saturday. I do not wish to talk about this. Please do not contact me again." Mac was glad that she had never done anything to merit the coldness and disgust that was now in AJ's voice.

_'Wait... Hannah?'_ Mac's eyes widened as realization dawned on her. _'Why that... I can't believe he would do something like this! That arrogant, good-for-nothing bastard!'_ She looked over at Webb for confirmation. For once, the smirk was not present. When she saw his nod, she nearly stalked out of the room to hunt Rabb down. Only her military training kept her in place.

When AJ hung up the phone, he looked over at Mac and saw the anger in her countenance. "Commander Turner, you are dismissed; report back here at 1900 hours for the briefing. Colonel, a moment of your time, please?"

Sturgis, who had also noticed the enraged look on Mac's face and in her stance, shot a concerned look at Mac, came to attention, and replied, "Aye-aye, sir."

Once the door closed behind Sturgis, AJ said, "Why don't you have a seat, Mac?"

"Thank you, sir, but I think I'd rather stand."

"Sit down, Colonel."

Swallowing back a sharp retort, Mac did as ordered.

"Now, Mac, I assume you know about Commander Rabb's little... escapade?"

"Yes, sir, I do."

"May I ask how?"

Mac's eyes darted over to Webb, who was still standing in the corner of the office, studying a picture like it contained the answers to life's secrets.

AJ snorted. "As if that wasn't obvious," he muttered under his breath. "Then may I assume you know about my relationship with Hannah?"

"Well, sir, I had my suspicions, but your phone call just now firmed them up."

AJ sighed, and sat behind his desk. "Do I have to worry about losing either of my best attorneys?"

"No, sir; I can promise you, I will be the consummate professional. You do not need to worry about my behavior." The slight stressing of 'my' did not escape AJ's notice.

"Very well, Colonel; but if you ever need anything, _like to give Rabb a swift kick in the six,_ don't hesitate to ask."

"Yes, sir. And sir?"

"Yes, Mac?"

"If you ever need someone to talk to..." Mac nearly gasped; she couldn't believe she had just said that to her CO, yet again!

AJ's heart caught in his throat. He wanted to say, _'Yes, I do need to talk to someone; and I would love to talk to you, about so much.'_ Instead, clearing his throat, he said, "I'll keep that in mind, Mac. Dismissed."

"Aye-aye, sir." Mac rose, came to attention, and left.

AJ turned to the window and sighed. _'Why do I always have such disastrous relationships? Any woman I get involved with leaves, and the one I really want, I can't have.'_ He jerked around at the sound of a polite cough.

"Well, AJ, I have places to go, wires to tap, governments to undermine... see you later."

AJ just rolled his eyes and turned back to the window.


	3. Part 3

Sonnets of Life Part 3 

Disclaimers in part 1

* * *

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?   
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:   
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,   
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:   
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,   
And often is his gold complexion dimmed,   
And every fair from fair sometime declines,   
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed:   
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,   
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,   
Nor shall death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,   
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st,   
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,   
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.   
--Sonnet 18   
  
  


Monday, 4 November 2002   
JAG HQ   
Falls Church, VA   
2400 ZULU

Mac jumped out of the 'Vette, hoping to get inside before too many of the guards noticed her attire. Of course, that wasn't a very viable hope, because it wasn't every day they saw a Marine Lieutenant Colonel in a designer gown, much less a Marine that looked like **that**. 

Mac had left the Admiral's office that morning, looking forward to tearing Harmon Rabb a new one. Her hopes were dashed when Harriet informed her that he and Lieutenant Silva had just left for Dulles. _'Then again, perhaps that was a good thing,'_ Mac mused. She really did not need to be charged with striking a fellow officer, which would have happened. She had spent the rest of the day in court, so she had no time to think about anything outside of the courtroom. She had left JAG at 1700 sharp, and arrived at her apartment to a delivery boy waiting at her door. She had chuckled at the note included with the package:

_Colonel,   
Try not to damage this one.   
CW_

Her chuckle had turned into a sigh as she remembered the last embassy party she had attended.

"You know, we should go out more often."   
"Sure, I had a wonderful time tonight." 

For the first time since she found out about Harm's infidelity, she didn't feel anger; this emotion was more akin to regret. She shook herself out of her daze and prepared for the night's proceedings.

Mac tried to ignore the blatant stares of the men she passed. She closed her eyes and sighed with relief as she boarded the elevator. She started to wonder what AJ would think of her attire, but drew herself up short. _'No, Mac; don't even think it. The man is your CO; even if he wasn't, you are both coming off of serious relationships.'_

The bell dinged, and the elevator doors opened. Mac took a deep breath and stepped into the bullpen of JAG Ops. She hoped she could pull this off with confidence; she always felt slightly ridiculous in evening gowns. After spending most of her time in Marine greens, and the rest in informal civilian attire, she never really knew how to act, although she would never let anyone know that.

She walked up to the door of the Admiral's office and knocked sharply. When she heard the command to "Enter!" she opened the door and walked inside. Mac felt a strong sense of déjà vu. The only difference was instead of her flyboy in mess dress, it was his best friend, Sturgis Turner. _'He's not **your** flyboy anymore, Mac.'_

AJ tried to prepare himself for Mac's entrance, but he found that nothing could have prepared him for the gorgeous woman standing before him. She was dressed in a floor-length, red satin evening gown. It had a slit up to her thigh, showed just a hint of cleavage, and clung to her like a second skin. AJ felt a stirring in his groin as he realized she couldn't possibly be wearing a bra under that dress. _'Oh, God, not now!'_

Sturgis broke the silence in the room by commenting, "Colonel, you look absolutely stunning!"

Mac smiled, and replied, "Why, thank you, Sturgis, you don't look half bad yourself." Turning to Clayton Webb, Mac said with a grin, "Webb, are you sure that this isn't just an excuse to play dress up again?"

"Well, Mac, that is one of the perks of this sort of assignment, but no; if I had just wanted to play dress up, I certainly wouldn't have included business."

When AJ heard this, he snapped out of his daze and scowled at Webb. _'Is Webb flirting with her? He better not be!'_

"Yes, Colonel, you look very nice. Let's get down to business, shall we?" Mac was disappointed in AJ's response to her appearance. She didn't realize that his brusqueness was an attempt to cover that... response.

After Mac and Sturgis had been briefed on what they would be looking for, the gentlemen stood, and Sturgis took Mac's arm, saying, "Shall we?"

Mac said, "Let's go!"

Webb stood by, studying AJ. He noticed the controlled look on AJ's face. He knew that look well, having had to call on it frequently throughout his career. _'So, he's attracted to her, hmmm? Of course he is; who wouldn't be? I'll have to see how this one plays out.'_

  
  
  


Monday, 4 November 2002   
Chinese Embassy   
Washington, DC   
0200 ZULU

Having made it through the receiving line, Mac and Sturgis were now attempting to find a place with a full view of the ballroom to sit.

"Look, Sturgis, over there. See the tall man with the blonde hair? That's one of the guys from the photographs."

"Yeah, and there's another walking towards him."

They watched for another half an hour, with Sturgis getting up once in a while for drinks. Then, they danced for a while, keeping an eye out for any suspicious activity. After a few hours and more than a few dance partners, Mac found herself in the arms of the blonde-haired man. On her guard, she lightly flirted with the man, trying to see if he would reveal anything. He was very polite, but responded to most of her questions with monosyllabic answers. He returned her to Sturgis, and then walked off.

"So? Did you find anything out?"

"No, Sturgis, but I have the strangest feeling..." 

"Like what? Is it like the Aiken case?"

"No, not exactly; it's more like one of those feelings you get when you can't remember something, but you know you should."

"Did you recognize him? Besides from the picture?"

"Yes. It seems like I should know him from somewhere; I just don't know who he is or where I saw him."

"Well, hopefully it will come to you, eventually."

"Mmm-hmm," Mac murmured absently, lost in thought.

"Sarah... Mac!"

"Huh--what?" Mac was jolted out of her reverie.

"I'm gonna go get something to drink. You want anything?"

"Oh, no, thanks, Sturgis."

As Sturgis walked away, Mac heard two hushed voices speaking nearby. As inconspicuously as possible, she turned her head in the direction of the voices and glanced at the people out of the corner of her eye. Her entire body went on alert as she realized that one of the men was the blonde-haired man, and that the conversation was in Russian. She didn't recognize the short, dark-haired man with whom he was speaking, but he didn't look too threatening: that is, until she saw the envelopes being exchanged. She just caught the last snippet of conversation as the men stood.

"So, it is happening tonight?"

"Yes, just as the clock strikes midnight. Cinderella won't be running from this ball."

Mac's body tensed. She forced herself to remain seated, relax, and try to commit all of the information she had to memory. Midnight... Oh, God! Midnight was only twenty minutes away!

Just then, Sturgis returned to their table. "Sarah? Are you alright?"

Mac looked at him with wide eyes, then asked, "Where's the ambassador?"

"What? Sarah, what's going on? Did you hear something?"

"Yes, I definitely heard something, and we need to find Webb, tell him what's going on, and get the ambassador out of here, NOW!"

"Mac, how about telling **me** what's going on?"

Mac continued in a hushed voice, while casually strolling towards the table at the head of the ballroom, "That man that I recognized? He was talking with a short, dark-haired man; I believe he was Russian. Our guy is American; he spoke the language well, but with an American accent. I saw the short one give the blonde guy an envelope, and the blonde guy gave him one in return. The last thing I heard was, 'Cinderella won't be running from this ball.' Sturgis, I think they're planning to kill the ambassador!"

"You're right; we definitely need to find Webb."

"No, **you** need to find Webb; **I'm** gonna go get the ambassador the hell out of here."

"Mac, I'm not leaving you without backup!"

"I'm a Marine, Sturgis--"

"I know, Mac, you can take care of yourself; but I still don't want you to go alone."

"Just go find Webb, tell him what's going down." With that, Mac walked away.

It was at times like this that she both blessed and cursed her internal clock. She knew exactly how much time she had, and while that could help her, it was also like watching the sand trickle through an hourglass, knowing you couldn't reset it. The seconds went by more quickly than she would have liked.

As she approached the table, she looked around the room, scrutinizing every inch. She nonchalantly sidled up to a guard, and said in a low voice, "My name is Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Mackenzie. I need you to follow my directions carefully. Get the ambassador out of here ASAP, under armed guard. We have reason to believe that there is a plot to assassinate him."

As she said this, she looked up and saw the light of the ballroom reflect off of the barrel of a gun. She leapt in front of the ambassador, effectively blocking him from the sniper's aim.

**"MAC!"**


	4. Part 4

Sonnets of Life Part 4 

Disclaimers in Part 1

* * *

Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed,   
The dear repose for limbs with travel tir'd;   
But then begins a journey in my head   
To work my mind, when body's work's expired:   
For then my thoughts--from far where I abide--   
Intend a zealous pilgrimage to thee,   
And keep my drooping eyelids open wide,   
Looking on darkness which the blind do see:   
Save that my soul's imaginary sight   
Presents thy shadow to my sightless view,   
Which, like a jewel, hung in ghastly night,   
Makes black night beauteous, and her old face new.   
Lo, thus by day my limbs, by night my mind,   
For thee, and for myself, no quiet find.   
--Sonnet 27   
  
  


Tuesday, 5 November 2002   
Chegwidden Residence   
McLean, VA   
0500 ZULU

"NO!"

AJ Chegwidden bolted upright in bed, sweat covering his body. That was the most realistic nightmare he had had in a long time. He thought back to the last part of it, and shuddered.

He had dreamt that Mac was dying in his arms. _'God, I've never had a nightmare that felt so real! It was as if it were truly happening!'_ He could feel everything, see everything, hear everything that occurred. He could hear Mac's last shaky breath; feel her grow cold in his arms. The worst part was the feeling of helplessness. He couldn't do anything to stop it. He couldn't move, couldn't even breathe.

He couldn't fall back to sleep, so he decided to get a drink, then return to bed. He padded out to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water.

He sat for over an hour, trying to convince his mind that it was time to sleep.

He was shaken from his thoughts by a ringing in his ears. _Wait, that's not my ears... that's the telephone!_ He was suddenly gripped by a feeling of dread. Phone calls after midnight were rarely good news.

"Chegwidden," he barked as he answered the phone.

"Admiral Chegwidden?"

"Speaking," he said impatiently.

"Admiral, this is Lieutenant Wight over at Bethesda Naval Hospital. We have an officer of yours, a Lieutenant Colonel Mackenzie, in the OR, and I thought you would want to know, sir."

_'Oh, my God! Sarah!'_ "What... what happened, Lieutenant?"

"I don't have all of the details, sir; all I know is that she took a bullet to the chest. Our best surgeon is in there with her right now."

"I'm on my way."

  
  
  


Tuesday, 5 November 2002   
Bethesda Naval Hospital   
Bethesda, MD   
0715 ZULU

AJ walked into the waiting room of the OR. Unfortunately, the first person he spotted was Clayton Webb, pacing back and forth. Seeing red, AJ stalked up to Webb, grabbed him by the collar, and slammed him against the wall.

"What the hell have you done this time, you son of a bitch!? You said that this was supposed to be a simple assignment. Only observation, no getting shot! Well, what the hell happened?" AJ was about to haul off and break Webb's nose again, only to see that he had been beaten to it.

Sturgis came up behind AJ and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Admiral, with all due respect, sir, perhaps Mr. Webb could explain better if you weren't cutting off his air supply."

AJ released Webb, who sank to the ground, rubbing his throat. "It **was** supposed to be simple. Believe me, I knew nothing about this."

AJ snorted. "Believe **you**? Why should I believe you?"

"Because this time, he's actually telling the truth, sir."

AJ wheeled around and stared at Sturgis. "So, do you mind telling me exactly what happened to get one of my best officers shot, Commander?"

Sturgis knew that he would have to proceed with caution. When the Admiral's voice became that quiet, it was only a matter of time before the explosion.

"Sir, we got to the embassy without any problems. Mac spotted two of the men in the photographs we saw. We kept an eye on them for a while, and then we started dancing. Mac ended up dancing with one of the men. She said that she felt she should recognize him, sir. After she danced with him, I went to go get drinks. When I came back, Mac looked shocked by something." He related the conversation between Mac and himself, concluding with, "I shouldn't have let her go alone, sir." He sat heavily on a nearby chair.

AJ thought, _'No, you shouldn't have!'_ What he said was, "Sturgis, you couldn't have known what was about to happen. Besides, like Mac said, she is a Marine; she would've ended up taking that bullet anyway. She wouldn't want you to feel guilty about this."

Sturgis replied in a low tone, "I know, sir."

They sat in silence for a while. AJ finally said, "So, who broke Webb's nose?"

"I'm afraid that would be me, Admiral."

AJ looked at Sturgis in disbelief. "**You**, Commander?"

"Yeah, well, you're lucky I haven't pressed charges yet! What is it with you people and my nose, anyway?" Webb broke in indignantly.

"Extenuating circumstances, and it's just a convenient target," AJ replied.

Silence fell over the group. Each man was lost in his own memories about the Colonel whose life hung in the balance in the next room.

* * *

_"There seems to be a certain tension with you two."   
"Some."   
"A lot."   
"You're missing the point, Sturgis."   
"Come on, Mac."   
"I...I've never slept with him."   
"Is that the problem?"   
"There is no problem!"   
"Then why don't you just get over it and move on?"   
"It wouldn't work."   
"Why?"   
"Because I'm in LOVE with him. ... Did I say that? ... You have to keep that to yourself."   
"OK."   
"I mean it, Sturgis."   
"So do I." 

* * *

"You let fly our secret, and you won't have a six."   
"So, this is what it's like being friends with you?"   
"This is just the beginning." 

* * *

"He missed the seafaring life."   
"No, what he missed out on was you; and that makes him a damn fool." 

* * *

"Colonel, why are you standing there?"   
"Because you wanted to see me?"   
"Colonel, is this another one of those... moments?"   
"Yes, sir." 

* * *

"You have something else, Major?"   
"No, Sir. I thought maybe you'd want someone to talk to.   
"What, precisely, would we talk about?"   
"May I speak frankly, Sir?"   
"Seems like you're bound and determined to."   
"Well, I know this is difficult for you. And I thought maybe...a friendly shoulder to cry on? This isn't going well, is it?"   
"You have a gift for the understatement, Major."   
"Just forget about this?"   
"Already have. Close the hatch on your way out."   
  
"Thanks, Sarah." 

* * *

"As you say in the Marine Corps, there's no such thing as an ex-Marine."   
"Or an ex-CIA agent." 

* * *

"You don't even know my size."   
"36-24-26, 5.8, plus 130 pounds."   
"120, thank you very much!"_

* * *

They were all jerked from their respective thoughts by the sound of the door opening. They looked up to see the surgeon standing before them, waiting for their attention. AJ asked the question they were all afraid to ask.

"How is she, doctor?"

"Well, the bullet was lodged in the Colonel's left scapula, but we were able to remove it. She will have to have physical therapy to rebuild strength in that arm, though."

Sighs of relief echoed around the room. That was, until the doctor held up his hand.

"What else is there, doctor?" Sturgis asked with some trepidation.

The doctor kept his calm mask on. He hated this part of his job. "Colonel Mackenzie lost a lot of blood from both the gunshot wound, and a blow to her head. We believe she struck her head on a blunt object when she fell. We replaced the blood, but we are going to keep a close eye on her. Unfortunately, there is swelling in the area of the brain that regulates voluntary muscle control. We don't know whether or not the swelling will go down. If it doesn't, there is a high possibility the Colonel may sustain permanent brain damage, which would mean, although she would still have sensation throughout her body, she would not be able to move on her own, or at the most, have very weak movement. We are trying to be optimistic, however."

The two Naval officers and the spy stared at the surgeon in shock.

Finally, AJ found his voice, although it was hoarse with suppressed tears. "Thank you, doctor. When will we be able to see Sa--Colonel Mackenzie?"

Neither Sturgis nor Webb missed AJ's near slip. "We would prefer to restrict visitors to immediate family. If you could get in touch--"

AJ interrupted. "Colonel Mackenzie has no immediate family, doctor. JAG is her only family."

The doctor was visibly shaken by this information, as well as the realization that the imposing man seated before him was **the**JAG. _'Oh, sh...'_ "Well, then, Admiral, I suppose we could allow other visitors. The nurses on shift will need a list of approved visitors for the Colonel."

"I will take care of the arrangements, doctor. Thank you." The no-nonsense Admiral façade came down, as it always did at times like this. The doctor, knowing he was effectively dismissed, said, "Yes, sir," and returned to the operating room.


	5. Part 5

Sonnets of Life Part 5 

Disclaimers in part 1

* * *

Farewell! Thou art too dear for my possessing,   
And like enough thou know'st thy estimate,   
The charter of thy worth gives thee releasing;   
My bonds in thee are all determinate.   
For how do I hold thee but by thy granting?   
And for that riches where is my deserving?   
The cause of this fair gift in me is wanting,   
And so my patent back again is swerving.   
Thy self thou gav'st, thy own worth then not knowing,   
Or me to whom thou gav'st it, else mistaking;   
So thy great gift, upon misprision growing,   
Comes home again, on better judgment making.   
Thus have I had thee, as a dream doth flatter,   
In sleep a king, but waking no such matter.   
--Sonnet 87   
  
  


Location Unknown   
Time Unknown

_'Where am I?'_ Mac wondered, looking around. She could only make out vague forms through the mist. She could move her head, but the rest of her body was paralyzed. She shivered uncontrollably as the cold vapor surrounded her. _'What's going on?'_

"Hello, Sarah," a low voice behind her said.

Mac jerked her head around, but still couldn't see to whom the voice belonged. As the mists parted, she gasped. There stood her husband, Christopher Ragle, along with her ex-boyfriend, Dalton Lowne, and her father, Joseph Mackenzie.

"Chris? Dalton? Dad? But--but you're all supposed to be..."

"Dead, Sarah? Yes, we are. Do you remember what happened to you?"

"The last thing I remember is the Embassy party, jumping in front of the Ambassador... oh, my God! Is the Ambassador all right?"

Chris's phantom chuckled. "Yes, Sarah, the Ambassador is alive and well. We--" here he nodded his head towards the other specters standing with him, "always knew you would give your life for some **noble** cause."

"Give my life? Do you mean--"

"That's right, Sarah," Dalton broke in, smirking. "You're dying." A bright light filled the air. "Is this more along the lines of what you were expecting?"

"But--but I..."

"Oh, don't even say it," Chris said, exasperated. "Don't you think that the rest of us thought the exact same thing? 'I'm too young to die'? Well, sweetheart, you are, so you had better just get used to it."

The light grew brighter, and Mac found herself inexorably drawn towards it.

"Don't worry, Sarah, it'll only hurt for a bit."

She felt a blinding pain wrench through her body, and opened her mouth in a silent scream.

  
  
  


Tuesday, 5 November 2002   
Bethesda Naval Hospital   
Bethesda, MD   
1230 ZULU

AJ's head snapped up as he heard the monitor sound a distress signal. He leapt to his feet and hurried to the bed as the medical team rushed through the door. He called in alarm, "Sarah... Sarah, stay with us, darlin'! Oh, Sarah, please, don't die..."

  
  
  


Location Unknown   
Time Unknown

Mac heard a voice in the distance, "Sarah, please, don't die..." She focused on the voice to distract herself from the pain coursing throughout her body.

"Come on, darlin'. You have to stay with us, Sarah. Don't give up, not just yet."

_'That voice is almost familiar. It sounds so gentle, though, not at all what I remember.'_ Mac started to move away from the blinding light, towards the voice echoing through the darkness.

"Sarah, where are you going? Sarah, get back here!" Voices called from behind her. She ignored them, being drawn toward the strong, masculine voice like a moth to a flame. The three spirits soon fell far behind her, and the pain dwindled into nothing, as all once again became black.

  
  
  


Tuesday, 5 November 2002   
Bethesda Naval Hospital   
Bethesda, MD   
1235 ZULU

As the monitors returned to a steady 'beep', a collective sigh of relief rose from the group gathered in the room. Tears threatened to spill from AJ's eyes. "Thank you, God," he breathed, watching the woman whom he had come so close to losing.

_'I can't leave her; not after this!'_ AJ thought as he lifted the telephone receiver by the side of the bed. He dialed a familiar number.

"JAG Ops, Admiral Chegwidden's office, Lieutenant Sims speaking," a bright voice answered.

"Lieutenant? Where's my yeoman, and why are you in so early?" Although AJ's voice was gruff, he was quite relieved that it was Harriet who answered.

"Admiral, sir! Tiner's starting the coffee in the break room, and I'm cleaning up some files that I had left out overnight. Is there something you needed, Admiral?"

"Actually, yes, Lieutenant, there is. Could you please run out to my house and pick up a clean uniform for me? The spare key should be under the mat. Oh, and please don't mention this to Tiner; you know how he gets."

Harriet picked up on the note of anxiety and fatigue in her CO's voice. Now concerned, she replied, "Certainly, sir. Umm, sir... where should I bring it?"

AJ sighed, knowing the questions would be brewing in her mind. "Bring it to Bethesda, Harriet. I'll explain when you get here."

"Aye-aye, sir." Apprehensive and intrigued, Harriet hung up.

AJ returned the receiver to the cradle and sighed again. He had another call to make. Although he would've preferred Sturgis for this, he knew Sturgis needed some time off. He dialed the number.

"Rabb."

"Commander, where are you?"

"Well, sir, right now I'm at the JAG office in Pensacola. Is there a problem, sir?"

"Yes, Commander, there is. I need you to hop the next transport home. Tell Lieutenant Silva that Commander Mattoni will be flying out. I need you to take acting JAG for a while; at least for the next few days. Report to Bethesda ASAP. I'll fill you in when you get here."

"Aye, sir."

AJ hung up the phone, and put his head in his hands. _'These are going to be a long couple of days,'_ he thought as he gazed at the motionless Colonel.


	6. Part 6

Sonnets of Life Part 6

Disclaimers in Part 1

* * *

Like as to make our appetite more keen,   
With eager compounds we our palate urge;   
As, to prevent our maladies unseen,   
We sicken to shun sickness when we purge;   
Even so, being full of your ne'er-cloying sweetness,   
To bitter sauces did I frame my feeding;   
And, sick of welfare, found a kind of meetness   
To be diseased, ere that there was true needing.   
Thus policy in love, to anticipate   
The ills that were not, grew to faults assured,   
And brought to medicine a healthful state   
Which, rank of goodness, would by ill be cured;   
But thence I learn and find the lesson true,   
Drugs poison him that so fell sick of you.   
--Sonnet 118

  


Tuesday, 5 November 2002   
En Route to Bethesda Naval Hospital   
1415 ZULU

Harm got into the driver's seat, lost in thought. He was wondering how he had so screwed everything up. _I can't believe I did that! I mean, Mac and I had finally worked things out, and I go and do something stupid like this._ He knew each time he was with Hannah that he was making a mistake. He also knew his Marine would kick his ass to the curb, both literally and figuratively, if she ever found out.

He had first met Hannah when she had come to meet the Admiral for lunch. However, the Admiral had been in a meeting with the SECNAV, so Harm had offered to go to lunch with her. Mac had been out at Quantico, finishing up on an investigation, so she didn't know. Hannah had been fun, witty, and God knows, she was beautiful. Her dry sense of humor had him chuckling for hours after they parted ways.

They had crossed paths again at a party given by the SECNAV. The Admiral had been in Italy, taking care of a legal issue involving a drunken ensign, a stolen gondola, and a romp through the Italian naval base in Venice. Mac, who, as acting JAG, should've attended, was suddenly called into work and asked Harm if he would go in her stead. Of course, he said yes. Bored out of his mind, he had spotted Hannah in a corner and went over to say hi. The next thing he knew, he was driving Hannah to her apartment.

The affair lasted for about two weeks, culminating in their attendance at a benefit concert. Unfortunately, they had run into Clayton Webb and his mother. _I'll just bet it was that damned spook that told Mac._ About a week later, Mac confronted him with her accusations. _Why didn't I tell her? I should've known she would've found out sooner or later._ He groaned audibly in the silence of the car. "I am such a fool," he moaned. "The best thing in my life, and I lost her." _And what about the Admiral?_ a little voice in his mind asked. _You hurt him, too. You betrayed his trust in you._ "Don't you think I know that? I can't believe how messed up everything is."

  


Tuesday, 5 November 2002   
Bethesda Naval Hospital   
Bethesda, MD   
1400 ZULU

Lieutenant Harriet Sims approached the front desk of the hospital. "Excuse me, but could you tell me where to find Admiral Chegwidden?"

"I'm right here, Lieutenant," a tired voice sounded behind her. Harriet spun around and came to attention stance, as did the officer behind the desk.

"As you were," AJ said. "Walk with me, Harriet."

Harriet studied her commanding officer. She noticed the exhaustion in his stance, as well as the...it almost looked like fear...in his facial features. "Sir, are you alright? What's happened?"

AJ sighed, and kept walking. Eventually, he got to the double doors of the ICU. He gestured to the chairs in the waiting area. "Have a seat, Lieutenant."

Harriet was starting to get really nervous now. The last time she saw the Admiral look like this, he had told her that Bud had stepped on a landmine in Afghanistan. Her eyes widened. "Th...this isn't about Bud, is it, Admiral?" she asked with anxiety in her voice.

AJ's head shot up. "No! Believe me when I say this isn't about your husband."

"Then what is it, sir?" Relief was evident in Harriet's tone.

AJ took a deep breath, and started to explain. "Commander Turner and Colonel Mackenzie attended an embassy party last night. I can't go into details, but there was an attempt on the Chinese ambassador's life."

Harriet nodded. "I saw something about that on the news this morning. They said an officer was shot...and was in critical condition at--" Harriet's voice trailed off as she realized why the Admiral was here. "Oh, my God...it was the Colonel, wasn't it, sir."

AJ looked up in surprise. "Yes...how did you know, Harriet?" he asked softly.

"Well, sir, we all know Colonel Mackenzie's strength and bravery; risking her life to save another's is something she would do. Also," here she smirked a bit, "Commander Turner was at JAG this morning, so it was a matter of deduction."

"He's WHAT?! I told him--no, I **ordered** him--to go get some rest! Going into work at 0700 after being up until 0300 does not constitute a good night's sleep!"

Harriet laid her hand on her enraged CO's arm. "Please, sir; the Commander probably just wanted to feel like he was helpful, especially since you're not in the office today, Admiral. Please don't blame him."

AJ took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. "Of course; you're right, Harriet. He doesn't need any more problems."

"And neither do you, sir. Now, would you like me to get you a cup of coffee while you change into your uniform, sir?"

"Yes, Harriet; I need some caffeine right about now. I'm sure I could use a shower as well."

"I'll go get you that coffee, sir."

When Harriet got back to the ICU, she saw her normal take-charge CO: alert and ready for anything.

"Here you go, sir."

"Thank you, Lieutenant." He took a sip of his coffee, and then asked, "Would you like to see Mac now, Harriet?" Harriet nodded. "Very well, but I need to warn you: she doesn't exactly look like our kick-ass Marine right now." His chuckle was hollow and devoid of emotion. He led Harriet to Mac's room.

When Harriet saw Mac, she gasped. Tears started running down her face as she hurried to Mac's side. "Oh, Mac! What happened, sir? Really?"

AJ patted a chair, but Harriet refused to leave the bedside. "As I said, Mac saved the ambassador's life. She took an assassin's bullet in the shoulder. That wouldn't have been life threatening, but she hit her head pretty hard on the way down; lost a lot of blood. The doctor says if she doesn't wake up soon, she could lose movement in her extremities. About an hour ago, she went into cardiac arrest." Harriet gasped, and the tears started flowing harder. "Fortunately, they were able to stabilize her, but they think someone should be with her in case she wakes up." _Or doesn't,_ AJ thought grimly. He took Harriet in his arms. "She's strong, Harriet. She'll make it past this. She has her friends to look out for her. Shhh, it's OK, darlin'." They stood like this for about fifteen minutes. Finally, Harriet stopped crying. "Oh! I'm so sorry, sir. I--"

"That's perfectly all right, Harriet. You needed to cry; I'm glad I was here for you." They heard shouting coming from the end of the corridor. "I'm guessing that would be Rabb," AJ commented dryly. He exited the room quickly in order to save the nurse on duty from his over-zealous subordinate.

"I was told to meet him here! What do you mean you can't--"

"Commander Rabb! Stand down!"

Harm jerked around and snapped to at the sound of his commanding officer's voice. "I apologize for the Commander's behavior, Lieutenant...LeClair. However, I do believe if you'd check the list I gave you, the Commander's name is on it. Commander Rabb, with me." He turned and walked away without checking that Harm was following him.

"Sir, I--"

"Commander, I will explain everything in due time. The short version is this: Colonel Mackenzie is lying in a hospital room, and we don't know whether or not she'll survive. If you do anything...**anything**...to disrupt her recovery, to agitate or stress her in any way...I will be on your six faster than a Stinger missile. Understood?" AJ's voice stayed at a conversational level, but Harm knew he was deadly serious.

"Yes, sir. What happened to Mac? Why is she here?"

"She and Commander Turner attended an embassy party last night, and--" AJ was interrupted by Harriet's excited voice calling him.

"Admiral? Admiral, sir! Mac--the Colonel--she's waking up, sir! She's calling for you!"


	7. Part 7

Sonnets of Life Part 7 

Disclaimers in Part 1

* * *

As an unperfect actor on the stage,   
Who with his fear is put beside his part,   
Or some fierce thing replete with too much rage,   
Whose strength's abundance weakens his own heart;   
So I, for fear of trust, forget to say   
The perfect ceremony of love's rite,   
And in mine own love's strength seem to decay,   
O'ercharged with burthen of mine own love's might.   
O let my looks be then the eloquence   
And dumb presagers of my speaking breast,   
Who plead for love, and look for recompense,   
More than that tongue that more hath more expressed.   
O learn to read what silent love hath writ:   
To hear with eyes belongs to love's fine wit.   
--Sonnet 23   


Location Unknown   
Time Unknown

Mac wandered through the darkness, searching for something that she recognized. She listened intently for the voice that had rescued her. That voice was something she would never forget. The husky timbre, the soft, loving tone... she shivered with the memory. She finally recalled why the voice was so familiar. _'It was AJ! He was the one that led me away from...'_ She shuddered. _'God, that was terrifying!'_ She kept up her search, but all she could see was the blackness surrounding her. Mac was starting to feel that she would welcome the light, even with the pain that accompanied it, if just to see **something**. There was no noise; all was silent. Mac took a deep breath, then called, "AJ? AJ, where are you? Why did you leave me here?" When she heard nothing, she started to panic, tears running down her face. The self-sufficient Marine façade was gone. Mac knew, by instinct, that she needed another person to lead her out of this infinite darkness. "AJ, please, help me! I don't know what to do! Please, I need your help!"

A low voice broke through her pleas. "Shhh, Sarah, I'm here. It's OK, darlin'. Don't worry. It'll be all right." Mac calmed, her tears ceasing to fall as the warm voice pushed away the darkness.

  
  


Tuesday, 5 November 2002   
Bethesda Naval Hospital   
Bethesda, MD   
1445 ZULU

Harriet listened to the lowered voices in the hallway. She was pretty sure of what the Admiral was saying to Harm. Threats of bodily damage were most likely included somewhere in the conversation. As she gazed at the prone Colonel, Harriet's eyes once more filled with tears; she whispered a prayer for her friend. She heard Mac start to moan; her hopes started to rise. Then, she heard Mac start to speak.

"AJ? AJ, where are you?" At this, Harriet jumped from the chair and started running down the hallway, calling, "Admiral? Admiral, sir! Mac--the Colonel--she's waking up, sir! She's calling for you!"

Harriet watched as AJ practically sprinted down the hallway, following at a slightly slower pace. She returned to the room in time to hear AJ say, "It's OK, darlin'. Don't worry. It'll be all right." Harriet watched her CO, gruff, no-nonsense Admiral Chegwidden, murmur comforting words to his Chief of Staff. She observed as he brushed a hand over her hair, clutching one of her hands in his large one. The look in his eyes was unmistakable. This was a man in love.

Harriet's eyes widened when this realization hit her. _'Oh, my God! He's... in love with her?'_ Harriet had suspected for a while that the feelings between her CO and her dear friend were not totally platonic; she noticed the looks that passed between them when they thought no one was looking. She also knew, however, that nothing would ever become of those feelings. These two were far too honorable for anything like that to happen. But she never suspected the feelings to be that strong. Harriet's mind started going a mile a minute, trying to think of ways to get her two friends together without breaking regs. She also took a moment to, for once, bless Commander Rabb's unperceptiveness in matters of the heart. She didn't want him to notice what she had; he would never be discreet about it.

Harriet glanced at Harm, who was standing just behind and to the left of her. His pained gaze danced around the room, settling anywhere but on his former partner and girlfriend. Harriet took a chance, and gently pulled the Commander out of the room; he didn't object. As they left, she said, "Come on, Commander, let's go find the doctor."

  
  


Tuesday, 5 November 2002   
Bethesda Naval Hospital   
Bethesda, MD   
1450 ZULU

The darkness gradually receded. The first sense to return was hearing. She could hear the soft hum of electrical currents, the beeping of the monitors to which she was attached, and the low voice that kept speaking to her. She slowly opened her eyes, but the bright light was blinding. She shut them again. Touch also returned. She felt his comforting hand in hers, another smoothing her hair and running across her face. Smells of disinfectant, hospital food, and illness were mixed with the scent of him: a warm, masculine scent that was soothing. She could also tell a female had been in the room recently; traces of a woman's flowery perfume hung in the air.

"Sarah? Sarah, are you awake? Please, open your eyes." The coaxing voice brought her back to the present. She opened her eyes. The light was not so blinding this time. In a hoarse, cracking voice, she asked, "AJ?"

AJ smiled, and replied, "Yes, darlin', I'm right here."

"Oh, my head... where am I? What happened? Why are you here?" Mac fired off her questions rapidly--well, as rapidly as a woman who had been unconscious could.

AJ chuckled in a mixture of amusement and relief. _'Yep, our Marine is back!'_ "Well, Sarah, you are at Bethesda, you were shot, and the doctors didn't want you to be alone when you woke up." AJ was going to wait to tell her how close she was to dying. He didn't know if he could get through it without breaking down.

Mac blinked, then gasped as she remembered the events of the previous night. "The ambassador. Sturgis. Are they OK?"

"Yes, both are fine. They got the ambassador out, and Sturgis is at JAG right now, although I told him to go home."

AJ looked up, hearing voices outside the door. Mac followed his gaze as Harriet, Harm, and the doctor entered Mac's room.

The doctor introduced himself. "Good morning, Colonel. It's nice to see you're awake. I'm Commander Harwood, and I'm the resident neurologist here."

"Hello, Commander, and I would have to say good afternoon; it's 1202 hours... and 47 seconds."

The doctor's eyebrows winged up, and he checked his watch. "Well, so it is! How do you do that?"

Before Mac could answer, the other three officers responded in unison, "She has great timing." They all burst into laughter. Mac rolled her eyes, and the doctor just shook his head. "Oookay. Well... Sarah... I need to check some things, alright?" He proceeded to examine Mac thoroughly. "That's quite a nasty bump on your head, Sarah. Are you in any pain?"

"Only my shoulder."

The doctor smiled. "Well, that's understandable; you were shot, after all. I'm going to schedule an MRI and a CAT scan for later today, to make sure nothing was permanently damaged. I'm also going to send up the physical therapist so that you can start therapy ASAP. I'll be by later to see how everything checks out. If you need anything, don't hesitate to use that call button, understood?"

Mac smiled tiredly. All she really wanted to do right now was go to sleep. "Yes, doctor." Harriet and Harm were surprised Mac acquiesced so easily. Commander Harwood noticed her exhaustion. "We'll let you get some rest now, Colonel," he said, gesturing for the others to precede him out of the room.

Outside of Mac's room, the doctor began to give instructions. "I really don't want to leave Colonel Mackenzie alone. Her pupils were still dilated; I'm afraid she may slip back into unconsciousness with that concussion of hers. I'm amazed that she recovered so quickly; most cases we get like this, the patient is under for at least two or three days."

AJ interrupted. "Well, doctor, you don't know Mac like we do. She can be one stubborn Marine." The others chuckled.

Harwood smiled. "Of course. I'm going to go schedule that CAT scan now, Admiral, and finish my rounds."

"Dismissed, Commander."

Turning to the other two, AJ said, "Harm, I was going to ask you to take acting JAG for a few days, but since the Colonel is awake, I'm going in to the office. If you could stay here with her until someone comes to relieve you, I would be grateful."

Harm hesitated. "Sir, I don't think I'm the first person Mac would want to see when she wakes up again." _'After all, whom did she call when she regained consciousness, huh, **AJ**?'_ he added bitterly in his mind.

"I understand that, Commander, but it can't be helped. Mac needs someone to be here when she wakes up, and I need to go into JAG." _'Believe me, I would **love** to stay here with Sarah.'_

Harriet interrupted softly, "Sir? Perhaps I should stay here with the Colonel. I can arrange for the babysitter to stay with AJ for a little longer, and I could just bring him here later." _'Besides, it'll give me time to brainstorm some ideas on how you two can get what you want!'_ she grinned inwardly.

"That's a good idea, Harriet. I'm sure Mac would love to see her godson." AJ was relieved. He hadn't wanted to suggest Harriet stay with Mac; she probably would've taken it as an order.

"Well, then, Admiral, I'd better get back inside. We shouldn't leave Mac alone for too long, even if she is sleeping."

"Of course, Lieutenant. Dismissed."

"Aye-aye, sir." Harriet reentered the room, humming "Matchmaker, Matchmaker" under her breath.

AJ returned his attention to Harm. "Commander, my orders still stand. If you disturb the Colonel in any way, I will nail your six to the wall. Is that clear?"

"Clear as glass, sir." Harm was sweating bullets at this point. He had no doubt that the ex-SEAL would act on the threat. He would not get anywhere close to Bethesda; he planned on getting updates on Mac's condition from Sturgis.

AJ sighed. "Let's go, Commander; I'm sure we both have work to do."

"Aye, sir."


	8. Part 8

Sonnets of Life Part 8 

Disclaimers in Part 1

* * *

Sonnet 17   


Wednesday, 6 November 2002   
JAG Ops   
Falls Church, VA   
2330 ZULU

AJ grumbled, cursing the SECNAV under his breath. He had intended to get out of the office in time to visit Mac, but at this rate...He shoved the file to one side, and took a deep breath.

AJ and Harm had arrived at JAG around noon. As soon as he got in, AJ was inundated by messages from the SECNAV's office, telling him to call him **immediately**.

AJ was now stuck in the office, completing mounds of paperwork. He now wished he hadn't taken that long lunch, but something had just drawn him to the bookstore by his house. He had perused the stacks of books in the Classics section in the back of the store. He wasn't sure exactly what he was looking for until he found it. An older edition of the Shakespearean sonnets, beautifully bound and covered. He seized it and brought it to the clerk by the front window. She was rather put out after he declined to make the requisite small talk. He would've been abashed by his actions, but he was in too much of a hurry. Of course, hurrying did not cut back on the amount of time spent with the SECNAV, who wanted reporters allowed into Mac's hospital room. AJ respectfully disagreed with the SECNAV's desires, which caused a torrent of paperwork to rain down on his desk as punishment.

AJ sighed. _'I suppose I'll have to see Sarah tomorrow. It'll be 2300 at the least by the time I get out of here!'_

  


Friday, 8 November 2002   
Bethesda Naval Hospital   
Bethesda, MD   
1700 ZULU

"I am **not** eating that!" Mac shoved the tray of bland hospital food away from her, preparing to show the nurse exactly why he should **not** piss off an exhausted, hungry, frustrated Marine.

"Colonel, you need to keep your strength up if you want to heal quickly. The only way you can do that is to eat! If you don't, we'll put the IV back in your arm," he warned.

"You will NOT do anything of the sort, Lieutenant!" AJ Chegwidden's voice boomed from the doorway. The nurse snapped to attention, and Mac straightened in her bed.

"As you were, Colonel. Lieutenant, would you care to explain to me why you were threatening a superior officer?"

"Admiral, sir! I'm sorry, sir, but the Colonel will not eat, sir, and she needs the nutrients in order to heal properly."

"I will take care of it, Lieutenant. Do **not** let me hear of you bullying officers again, do you hear? Dismissed!"

AJ turned to Mac. "So, Mac, how are you feeling today?" He wouldn't allow himself to call her Sarah. He knew that Harriet already suspected something of his feelings toward Sarah, and he couldn't let anyone else see.

Mac smiled at AJ. "I'm feeling just fine, sir. I am hungry, though."

"So, eat," AJ replied, gesturing at the untouched plate before her.

"I meant for **real** food, Admiral!" Mac laughed.

"Well, Mac, this is all the food you're gonna get while you're in here, so I suggest you eat. Imagine it's a Beltway Burger if you must, but eat."

Mac sighed melodramatically. "Alright, Admiral, if I must." She picked up the fork and began to choke down the food.

They sat in companionable silence for awhile, and then AJ spoke. "I'm sorry I couldn't make it yesterday. SECNAV's been breathing down my neck, and I couldn't get away."

"That's perfectly all right, sir. Harriet, Sturgis, even Webb has been by. And there were so many flowers, I had to get the night nurse to throw them out before I suffocated!"

"Well, then, Mac, I hope you won't throw this out." He handed her a wrapped package. Mac looked at him inquisitively. "Well, don't just sit there, Colonel, open it," AJ said gruffly.

Mac took great care in opening the gaily-wrapped gift. A smile spread across her face when she saw what was underneath the paper. She was ridiculously happy that AJ wanted to share something he loved so much with her. "Oh, A-Admiral, this is wonderful!" She caught herself before she called him AJ.

"You like it?" AJ asked cautiously. He was hoping that she would enjoy it as much as he did.

"Oh, I love it! I've needed something to keep me occupied. I've been going stir-crazy here." She hesitated. "Would you read to me, sir?"

AJ was surprised. "You want me to--?" He cleared his throat. "Certainly, Mac. Which one would you like me to read?"

"Oh, any one you want."

He opened the book and began to read.

"Who will believe my verse in time to come,   
If it were filled with your most high deserts?   
Though yet heaven knows it is but as a tomb   
Which hides your life, and shows not half your parts."

When he got to the next quatrain, he paused and looked directly into Mac's eyes, then continued in a slightly husky voice.

"If I could write the beauty of your eyes,   
And in fresh numbers number all your graces,   
The age to come would say, 'This poet lies;   
Such heavenly touches ne'er touched earthly faces.'"

Mac's breath caught. She recalled that day in AJ's office, when he was asking about giving a gift to Dr. Walden. That, too, was a copy of Shakespeare's works. She remembered saying that it wasn't a very romantic gift. AJ convinced her otherwise, by reciting just that stanza.

"So should my papers, yellowed with their age,   
Be scorned, like old men of less truth than tongue,   
And your true rights be termed a poet's rage   
And stretched meter of an antique song:   
But were some child of yours alive that time,   
You should live twice--in it, and in my rhyme."

"That was beautiful, sir," she said when AJ finished. She yawned. "I'm sorry, Admiral. I guess I'm more tired than I thought."

"Don't worry about it, Mac. I should probably get back, anyway. I'll let you get some rest."

"Goodbye, Admiral. Thank you for the book."

AJ smiled, turned, and left.

A soft smile spread across Mac's face. _'Oh, if only he meant what he was reading!'_ she thought wistfully as she drifted off to sleep.

What Mac didn't realize, was that he meant every word.


	9. Part 9

Sonnets of Life Part 9 

Disclaimers in Part 1

* * *

Sonnet 26   


Saturday, 9 November 2002   
Bethesda Naval Hospital   
Bethesda, MD   
2100 ZULU

Mac gritted her teeth, and climbed back into bed. The pain in her shoulder was excruciating, and the muscles in the rest of her body didn't want to coordinate correctly. She took a deep breath, and lay on her back, her head on the pillows.

"Thanks, Bill. I think it went well today."

Lieutenant Commander William Halstead, Mac's physical therapist, replied, "Yes, it did; but you can't overdo it, Mac. I know you're a Marine, and you're trained to deal with physical pain, but if you push yourself too hard, you could suffer a real setback."

Mac huffed. "I know, I just want out of here and back to my life."

"Well, I can understand that, but still...I want you to rest tomorrow. If you need anything, ask for help. Got that?"

"Aye, aye, sir," Mac replied sarcastically.

"I know you want to go home, but you have to be patient. Mac, please..."

"Alright, alright, I'll ask for help if I need it. Now get out, I'm sure you have better work to do than to baby-sit a stubborn Marine," Mac laughed.

"See you Monday, Mac."

Mac sighed and flopped back against the pillows. She was bored out of her mind. Harriet had stopped by every day with little AJ, but they never stayed very long. Webb had been called out of the country; and Sturgis and Bud were in Norfolk. Harm hadn't been by to see her at all; she had a sneaking suspicion that the Admiral had told him to stay away.

She sighed again. AJ..._'the Admiral,'_ she corrected herself silently, _'can't think of him as AJ'_...hadn't been by since giving her that book. She smiled, remembering him reading to her. She loved his voice, so confident, so sure. That deep baritone that had kept her from giving up when she was unconscious.

Mac picked up the book that rested on her nightstand. She had read a few of the sonnets for a class in college, but had never really gotten interested. She opened the book to Sonnet 17, and read it for the third time in two days. Each time she read it, she saw AJ reciting it to her, looking directly into her eyes; his voice soft and quiet. Her heart lifted at the memory.

Now, she just flipped through the book, skimming through a few of the poems. She remembered her professor saying that the first..._'what was it, 120 or so?'_...sonnets were actually written to a young man, and the rest were written to Shakespeare's mistress. Mac snorted. _'That doesn't sound very romantic!'_ Her eyes rested on the first couplet of one of the poems. She stared at it in shock. _'That sounds exactly like how I feel about...'_ Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the open door. She looked up from the book. Admiral Chegwidden stood in the doorway.

"I see you're enjoying the book, Colonel. May I come in?"

"Oh! Certainly, sir. And, yes, I love it."

"May I ask, what's your favorite one so far?"

"Well, I haven't really read many of them, but so far, I would have to say...number 26?"

AJ smiled. "What, you're not sure?"

"Like I said, I haven't read much yet."

"Hmmm...I don't remember that one very well. Refresh my memory, would you?"

Mac gulped. She wasn't sure if she really should..._'Oh, what the hell, Mackenzie. Take a risk, woman!'_

"All right, sir." Mac smiled shyly at him. She took a deep breath, and began.

"Lord of my love, to whom in vassalage   
Thy merit hath my duty strongly knit,   
To thee I send this written embassage,   
To witness duty, not to show my wit..."

Mac was nervous. She wondered if AJ would notice exactly what she was trying to convey.

"Duty so great, which wit so poor as mine   
May make seem bare, in wanting words to show it,   
But that I hope some good conceit of thine   
In thy soul's thought, all naked, will bestow it..."

Duty. That one word held so much power over their lives. Duty was what kept them from that 'almost-kiss' in AJ's bedroom years ago. It was what made interaction between them so awkward for months afterward. Duty was what had kept her from going to him for help when her husband had showed up. She hadn't wanted to pull him into her troubled life, and she knew he would've thrown away his career and his duty to help her. _'Duty really is a four-letter word,'_ Mac thought wryly.

"Till whatsoever star that guides my moving,   
Points on me graciously with fair aspect,   
And puts apparel on my tattered loving,   
To show me worthy of thy sweet respect..."

Mac thought, _'Yeah, right. God, any choices I make totally screw up my life. Whatever "star that guides my moving" doesn't like me too much. Besides, I'm not good enough for AJ. He's a two-star admiral. He has honor, integrity, inner strength. I don't have any of these. He doesn't need an alcoholic Marine with the emotional baggage I have weighing down his life.'_

"Then may I dare to boast how I do love thee;   
Till then, not show my head where thou mayst prove me."

Mac had kept her eyes on the page the entire time she was reading. Now, she looked up. What she saw on AJ's face made her heart beat faster. _'He knows! Oh, god, he knows what I was trying to say! Is this a good thing or a bad thing, though?'_

"Sarah, I.." AJ started. He took Mac's hands in his. Mac's eyes widened. _'Sarah? He called me Sarah!'_ She thrilled to the thought. _'Oh, his hands feel so good in mine...'_ She opened her mouth to speak; then, she heard a throat clearing. She looked past AJ, to see Harriet and Bud standing in the doorway. Bud looked totally oblivious to the happenings in the room, while Harriet wore a soft, pleased smile on her face.


	10. Part 10

Sonnets of Life Part 10 

Disclaimers in Part 1

* * *

Those pretty wrongs that liberty commits,   
When I am sometime absent from thy heart,   
Thy beauty, and thy years full well befits,   
For still temptation follows where thou art.   
Gentle thou art, and therefore to be won,   
Beauteous thou art, therefore to be assailed;   
And when a woman woos, what woman's son   
Will sourly leave her till he have prevailed?   
Ay me! But yet thou mightst my seat forbear,   
And chide thy beauty and thy straying youth,   
Who lead thee in their riot even there   
Where thou art forced to break a twofold truth:   
Hers, by thy beauty tempting her to thee,   
Thine, by thy beauty being false to me.   
--Sonnet 41   


Saturday, 9 November 2002   
Bethesda Naval Hospital   
Bethesda, MD   
2130 ZULU

"Harriet, Bud! Hi!" Mac tried to be extra cheerful to hide her nervousness and disappointment.

"Good afternoon, Colonel, Admiral," Harriet replied in a soft voice. _'Darn it! And they were so close to admitting it, too! That's it...time for plan B. But what's plan B? Think, Harriet, think...'_

"Umm...sir? Commander Rabb is downstairs; he's having a little trouble getting up here."

AJ groaned. "Well, I guess I better go help him then, huh?" He squeezed Mac's hand, and then released it. "Should I let him up, Mac?"

"Please, sir. I need to talk to him sometime. Now is as good a time as any," Mac sighed.

AJ smiled weakly, and left.

Harriet turned to her husband. "Bud, could you please go down to the vending machines and get me a soda?"

Bud looked at her quizzically, but answered, "Sure, Harriet." Satisfied that her husband would be busy for a few minutes, Harriet faced Mac.

"So, Harriet, how was your day?" Mac asked her, trying to derail the conversation before it left the station.

Harriet decided the best way to get it through Mac's head was to put it bluntly. "He's in love with you, you know."

The only thing that changed in Mac's posture was her hands. They tightened on the book in her lap.

"Who, Harm?" She decided to play dumb. Hopefully, Harriet hadn't noticed their odd behavior a few minutes ago.

Harriet glared at her. "You **know** who I'm talking about, Mac."

Mac was surprised, but not much. Harriet was stronger than she looked. What had really surprised her, though, was that Harriet had used her name without being prompted.

"Harriet, it's not going to happen," Mac said quietly, looking down.

"Why not? You're not going to work for him forever." She took Mac's hands in hers. "Mac, you are both wonderful people, and you both deserve a little happiness. I think he can make you happy. Am I right?"

Mac blinked back tears. "I--I don't know..."

"Mac..." Harriet lifted Mac's chin, and asked gently, "You're in love with him, too, aren't you?"

Mac's tears spilled over. "I...I...yes!" she finally admitted to both Harriet--and to herself. _'Oh, god, I am! I am in love with him! Now what do I do...?'_

Harriet took her friend in an embrace. "Don't worry, Mac; it'll work out." _'I'll make sure of it!'_ she vowed silently.

  


Saturday, 9 November 2002   
Bethesda Naval Hospital   
Bethesda, MD   
2135 ZULU

"Commander Rabb," AJ called sharply.

Harm spun on his heels and came to attention as he spotted his commanding officer.

"As you were. Lieutenant, is there a problem here?"

"Well, sir, umm...ah, no; no problem," the nurse stammered.

"Well, then can Commander Rabb get in for once **without** being harassed by hospital staff?" AJ asked in an irritated voice.

"Of course, sir."

"Good. Commander, with me."

They walked to the elevators and boarded. AJ looked at Harm and said, "We need to have a talk; but later. Right now, Colonel Mackenzie would like to have a word with you. I don't need to remind you about what will happen if you do anything to disturb her, do I?"

"No, sir, you don't." Harm was about to either suffocate from the pressure in his chest, or hyperventilate from anxiety over the upcoming conversations. He called on all of his lawyer and pilot skills, however, and projected a sense of calm--or, at least, **tried** to.

AJ grinned evilly. _'Good. He's nervous. Let 'im sweat.'_

They proceeded to Mac's hospital room.

  


Saturday, 9 November 2002   
Bethesda Naval Hospital   
Bethesda, MD   
2145 ZULU

Harriet, Bud, and Mac were sitting in Mac's room, regaling each other with stories about their friends. Mac and Bud were currently entertaining Harriet with the story of Harm's prowess with semi-automatic weaponry. All three were in stitches. Mac abruptly stopped laughing.

"Hello, Harm," she said softly.

"Mac," he replied hesitantly.

AJ, Harriet, even Bud caught the sudden rise in tension. "Let's go, Lieutenants," AJ commanded quietly.

As the door closed behind the three, Harm asked, "So, how you doin', Mac?"

"How do you think, Harm? Although, I suppose you wouldn't know, considering the fact that you haven't even tried to contact me," Mac answered coldly.

Still not making eye contact, "I didn't think you would want me to call you, not after..." He trailed off.

"I don't know, Harm, but it sure would've been nice if you had showed **some** concern. I mean, even **Webb** was worried a little. The Admiral says he stayed until I got out of the OR, even with his broken nose."

Harm snapped back, "Yeah, it seems like the Admiral's been **very** worried about you as well."

"What the **hell** is that supposed to mean?" Mac hauled herself out of bed, and stood directly in front of Harm.

"What do you think it means?" he replied snidely.

Mac's jaw dropped. "How **dare** you?! Do you really think I'm that stupid? Or the Admiral is, for that matter? He would **never** put his integrity on the line like that! And I'm not that woman anymore. I wouldn't get involved with a superior officer any more than you would, Harm. You know, I you're not the man I thought you were. If you can't forgive my past transgressions, then perhaps we shouldn't even be friends. I was ready to forgive your little dalliance with that Hannah woman. We could have worked through it, because I realize that people make mistakes."

"Mac, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I guess I'm just jealous."

"You're right, you shouldn't have. Harm, I've done some things in the past that I'm not proud of. But...how could you accuse Admiral Chegwidden of such a thing? I mean, he has to be the most honorable man I know! You really ought to think before making unsubstantiated accusations against anyone, **especially** your CO. And you no longer have the right to be jealous, remember?"

"I remember. Mac, are you sure that we can't work things out? I'm really sorry, and it will never happen again. I love you." Harm finally looked at Mac.

Mac could feel her resolve crumbling under Harm's gaze, but summoned her strength. "No, Harm; it's too late for that. Perhaps **before** you accused me of having an improper relationship with my CO, but...you attacked my personal honor, Harm. I just can't live with that. Maybe you do love me, but Harm...you're not **in** love with me. I love you too, Harm." He opened his mouth to speak, but Mac said, "No, let me finish. I love you too, but I'm not in love with you, either. You hurt me too much for those feelings to exist in my heart. This is the last time I'm going to let you pull me in. I'm breaking away, before you can push me back."

"Please, Mac...forgive me. I'm sorry for hurting you."

Mac smiled sadly. "I'll try, flyboy. But the forgetting? I don't know about that." She leaned up to kiss Harm's cheek. "Goodbye, Harm."

He kissed her forehead. "Goodbye...Sarah." He turned and left, closing the door behind him.

Mac collapsed in a chair beside the bed. She was exhausted, from both the physical and emotional exertion, but her mind was going a mile a minute. Harm's insinuation had hit a little too close to home. After all, hadn't she, not ten minutes ago, professed her love for her CO? And Harriet had said... _'No, Mac. Don't even go there. It's not possible.'_ A little voice in her head argued, _But Harriet is perceptive about these things; besides, she wouldn't lie to you.'_ She sat in introspection for many moments.

A few minutes later, Bud and Harriet returned, without AJ. Mac looked up, surprised that she hadn't heard them come in. "Where's the Admiral?" she asked.

Harriet and Bud exchanged a look. "He's having a...chat...with Commander Rabb, ma'am."

Mac grinned in spite of herself. "Good. Maybe he can knock some sense into him."


	11. Part 11

Title: Sonnets of Life Part 11 

Disclaimers in Part 1

* * *

No more be grieved at that which thou hast done:   
Roses have thorns, and silver fountains mud:   
Clouds and eclipses stain both moon and sun,   
And loathsome canker lives in sweetest bud.   
All men make faults, and even I in this,   
Authorizing thy trespass with compare,   
Myself corrupting, salving thy amiss,   
Excusing thy sins more than thy sins are;   
For to thy sensual fault I bring in sense,   
Thy adverse party is thy advocate,   
And 'gainst myself a lawful plea commence:   
Such civil war is in my love and hate,   
That I an accessary needs must be,   
To that sweet thief which sourly robs from me.   
--Sonnet 35

  


Saturday, 9 November 2002   
Bethesda Naval Hospital   
Bethesda, MD   
2200 ZULU

Harm jumped as a strong hand clamped down on his shoulder.

"Now, Commander Rabb, it's time for our little talk," the voice of his commanding officer growled harshly.

"Y-yes, sir," Harm stuttered nervously.

"This way, Commander." AJ led Harm into an empty room. He pointed to a chair. "Sit." Harm sat.

"I have many questions for you, Commander, but I'll start with the one that's foremost in my mind: how stupid do you think I am?"

Harm swallowed. He had never heard the Admiral quite so ticked off before, even after one of his many stunts. "N-not at all, sir."

AJ smiled grimly. "Then why, pray tell, did you really believe you could hide your...relationship...with my...with Ms. Williams?"

Harm cleared his throat uncertainly. "Well, sir, I really don't know. It must have been stupidity on my own part, Admiral. I just...I guess I thought with the wrong head," he said wryly, trying to ease the tension building in the room.

"Ain't that the truth," AJ muttered under his breath. He continued in a louder voice, "Didn't you realize that Hannah and I were involved? And that Mac would kick your six from here to Russia if she ever found out what you had done?"

"Well, sir, truthfully...I really didn't think about the consequences until after...afterwards. I am a fool, sir. I should have known that you would have found out. I regret my actions. I regret the loss of your trust and respect even more. Speaking of...how **did** you find out, Admiral?" Harm knew it wasn't his place to ask, but his curious nature got the best of him.

AJ arched an eyebrow at him. "Private detective. You aren't as discreet as you think, Rabb. Actually, the phrase I hear most often is 'a bull in a china shop.'"

_'OK, well, that explains that, but Mac...'_ "Sir? Do you know how Mac...Colonel Mackenzie...found out?"

AJ smirked a bit and replied, "I think you know the answer to that question, Rabb."

"Our favorite spook," Harm mumbled. He looked up. "Sir, I am truly sorry about what I've done...to both you and Mac," he said softly.

AJ wanted to turn his rage on Harm, but the younger man's visible remorse and guilt curbed that urge. He snorted inwardly as he turned toward the room's single small window. _'My god, am I actually feeling **sorry** for him?! Yes...I suppose I am. His thoughtless behavior has cost him the love of a good woman. Hell, not a **good** woman; a wonderful woman; a beautiful, compassionate, incredible woman! If I had a woman like that...especially that **particular** one...you can be **damn** sure I would do everything in my power to not screw it up!'_

Harm was becoming more agitated as the minutes passed. In his experience, the longer the Admiral made one wait, the worse the explosion would be. This was going to be one hell of a butt-chewing.

"Commander, you are dismissed," AJ said quietly. Harm's eyebrows shot up in surprise. _'Dismissed? What the...is he trying to mess with my head or something?'_

AJ turned and saw the disbelief on Harm's face. He chuckled dryly and said, "This isn't exactly the best place to chew you out for your behavior, now is it, Commander? It can wait until we're in a more private--and soundproofed--setting. Now, you are dismissed, Commander Rabb."

Not wishing to question his profound luck, Harm stood, came to attention, and beat a hasty path out of there.

Truthfully, AJ had no intention of hauling the Commander over the coals; he was doing a good enough job of that himself. He just wanted Harm to sweat for a few days.

  


Saturday, 9 November 2002   
Bethesda Naval Hospital   
Bethesda, MD   
2245 ZULU

"What are you doing out of bed, Colonel?" AJ bellowed from the doorway.

Mac's head shot up. Startled, she jumped out of the chair she had been resting in since Harm left. She tripped over a rung of the chair, nearly sprawling on the floor. Only AJ's quick reflexes kept her from that painful--not to mention humiliating--event. She ended up in AJ's arms.

When she realized what had happened, Mac's breathing quickened. She wanted nothing more than to stay right were she was, but the pain she was currently experiencing betrayed that desire. "Sir? Can you let go of my shoulder, please?"

AJ immediately shifted his hand to Mac's elbow. "Sorry 'bout that, Mac. Let's get you into bed, shall we?" Both AJ and Mac flushed at his choice of words. Fortunately...or, as both officers thought, _'unfortunately'_...the moment was broken by the arrival of Mac's dinner. The nurse made enough noise for Mac and AJ to break their loose embrace by the time she came through the door.

Mac's nose wrinkled with disgust when she saw what was on the menu. "Chicken and mashed potatoes **again**? It was barely edible the **first** time around!"

"Now, Mac, you know you need to keep up your strength..."

"Yes, sir, I know." She made no move to lift her fork, however.

AJ grinned at Mac's obvious distaste for the fine dining set before her. Surprising himself, he leaned toward Mac and said conspiratorially, "Tell you what. If you eat this...and the rest of your meals while you're here...I'll take you to Callisto's when you're released."

Mac felt her heart flutter as she heard these words. _'Dinner with AJ? I'll even eat **this** in order to have **that**!'_ She immediately grabbed her utensil and shoveled a forkful of mashed potatoes into her mouth.

AJ chuckled at her reaction. "Jeez, Mac, I didn't know you were **that** desperate for a decent meal." At her questioning look, he elaborated, "Dinner with me. I know I'm probably not the first person you'd want to spend time with..."

"Oh, but I enjoy your company, Admiral." It was Mac's turn to surprise herself. She blushed at her boldness.

AJ smiled slowly. "Well, I enjoy yours as well, Mac."

Mac finished her dinner, and asked a question that had been bugging her. "Where did Harriet and Bud go? They weren't in here when you got back, but I don't remember them leaving."

"I ran into them in the hallway. They said that you had zoned out on them, and that they didn't want to disturb you."

"Oh." She blushed. "I didn't mean to be rude."

"I'm sure they know that, Mac. We all know you have a lot on your mind right now."

_'Oh, if only you knew...'_ She changed the subject. "So, sir, have you heard from Francesca lately?"

AJ looked at Mac oddly, but decided to go along with her...for now. They spent quite a while just talking and laughing like old friends. They were both amazed by the ease and relaxed air between them. Finally, AJ said, "Well, Mac, I better get out of here before the nurses decide to throw me out."

"I'd like to see them try that, sir." Yawning, she said, "Good night."

"Good night, Mac." Without thinking, AJ leaned over, as if to kiss Mac's cheek. Mac moved her head on the pillow to get more comfortable, and instead, their lips connected. Mac's eyes widened, then fluttered shut. She parted her lips slightly, allowing AJ access to the recesses of her mouth. He slipped his tongue past her lips, and deepened the kiss.

Mac moaned as AJ brought his hands to her face, cupping her head in his broad palms. At the sound, AJ felt as if a bucket of icy water had been dumped on his head. _'My god, what are we doing?'_ He jerked away. "I--I should go now," he stammered. He grabbed his jacket and bolted out the door.

Mac felt tears spring to her eyes; one trickled down her cheek. "Well, I guess I won't be seeing him again," she mumbled sardonically. She rolled toward the window and stared out at the night sky. With one hand, she knocked the book of sonnets resting on the nightstand into the wastebasket.


	12. Part 12

Sonnets of Life Part 12 

Disclaimers in Part 1. "Somebody Stand by Me" is sung by Faith Hill.

* * *

Sonnet 36 

Saturday, 30 November 2002   
Bethesda Naval Hospital   
Bethesda, MD   
1600 ZULU

Mac smiled for the first time in three weeks. She shivered and wrapped her jacket tightly around herself. _'Two weeks, six days, sixteen hours and 47 minutes,'_ she thought. That was how long it had been since she had seen AJ. A shadow passed over her face. _'No. I don't want to think about that now.'_

Harriet opened the door to Mac's 'Vette. She had been quite excited when Mac had asked her to drive it to the hospital. Mac was amused by Harriet's enthusiasm. _'I just hope she doesn't drive too fast!'_

"Thanks, Harriet." She climbed into the passenger seat and buckled her seat belt.

Both were quiet until they got on the Beltway. "So, Harriet, how are things at JAG?"

Harriet glanced at her friend quickly and then looked back at the road. She knew what Mac was really asking. "Same as always. Commander Rabb saved the day again, Sturgis had to save Harm's six, and the Admiral is in a rotten mood. Actually, he's been that way for the past three weeks." She paused, and continued. "I do think that your transfer has something to do with that, though."

Mac, who had been staring out the windshield, whipped her head around to look at Harriet. "How do you know about that, Harriet? I hadn't told **anyone**!"

"Oh, you know how scuttlebutt gets around, Mac. Of course, the way that General Albanese has been boasting about finally having you on his staff..."

Mac sighed. _'I should have known that my transfer wouldn't have been kept secret indefinitely. But I was looking forward to a few more days of peace!'_

Mac had begun her search for a new posting the day after AJ had kissed her. She knew she couldn't see him again without wanting to either throw herself at him and kiss him, or slap him for just leaving her like that. The furthest one from Washington she could find was at Quantico. She was now heading their Legal Affairs office. Her transfer was effective 1 December, but she still had to clean out her office at JAG and pack her apartment for the move. The General had said she could start Wednesday, at the latest.

They arrived at Mac's apartment, and Mac thanked Harriet for picking her up.

"You're welcome, Mac. Are you sure you don't need any help? I'd be glad to fix you something to eat, get you some boxes, anything."

Mac smiled at Harriet. "No, but thanks, Harriet. You've been a great help already."

"OK, well, if you're sure..."

"I'm sure, Harriet. Now go on, I'm sure your two men are waiting for you to make lunch," Mac said, laughing a bit.

"I'm sure they are, too. Aren't men just so helpless?" Harriet said, rolling her eyes and giggling. She got into the minivan, and waved. Mac waved back, and walked up to her apartment.

When she opened the door, Mac shook her head and smiled fondly. Harriet knew her too well. A stack of flattened boxes leaned against the wall. The apartment had been recently cleaned; the smell of wood polish and antibacterial spray hung in the air. Mac dropped her belongings on the couch. She jumped as a book tumbled out of her bag. She picked it up.

"What the..." she said, stunned. "I thought I got rid of this **weeks** ago!" It was the book AJ had given her. She **knew** she had thrown it out. "Harriet..." she groaned.

She placed the book on the table, and walked into the kitchen. A covered dish sat on the counter. She threw her head back and laughed when she saw what was in it. "Beltway burgers! Thanks, Harriet!" Mac ate her lunch with relish.

When she was done, she was drawn to the living room. She reached for the book; then pulled back, as if scalded. "No! That's what got you into this in the first place, remember?" In order to take her mind off of the book and its giver, she methodically began to start packing what she would need to take to Quantico.

  


Sunday, 1 December 2002   
JAG HQ   
Falls Church, VA   
1900 ZULU

Mac entered the bullpen. It was empty, quiet, and dark. She sighed with relief. She had no desire to run into...anyone...today. She made her way to her office and turned on the light. It was just as she left it. She shook her head, put on some music to keep her company, and got to work.

About an hour later, another person stepped off of the elevator. _'Damned SECNAV. Can't believe he insisted on me working on a Sunday.'_ AJ's guard immediately went up when he heard quiet singing. He saw an office light on. His heart started pounding in anticipation and dread. He stopped moving and just observed as the woman who had stolen his heart, Sarah Mackenzie, pack a box and sing along with the music.

"I've been this alone for so long   
I'm beginning to wonder why   
I stand in one place   
Different name, different face   
But no one's gonna see me   
Break down and cry..."

He smiled sadly. _'Yep, that sounds like my Marine. Won't let anyone see her cry.'_

"Won't somebody stand by me   
Stand by me just one time   
Won't somebody stand by me   
Stand by me just one time..."

He saw the melancholy etched in her face as she sang along to the Faith Hill song. His heart ached for her. He wanted to go to her and comfort her, to enfold her in his arms and say everything would be all right, that he would stand by her...but he didn't. He realized that she wouldn't want him seeing her weakness, as she believed it to be. He quietly padded to his office.

Mac heard the click of the latch, and abruptly stopped singing. "Is someone there?" she called. No one answered, so she went back to what she was doing.

She finally finished, and sighed deeply. This made everything seem so final. There was one more thing she wanted to do. She really did not want to get caught doing it, though, so she would have to be quiet. _'Why am I doing this, anyway? I'm just setting myself up for another fall.'_ She picked up an envelope lying on the desk, and walked to the door to AJ's office. She slowly opened the door and breathed a sigh of relief. It was empty. She snuck inside and placed the envelope in the center of his desk, then turned and walked out. She collected her belongings from her office, turned out the light, and left.

When AJ returned from the head, he immediately spotted the envelope sitting in the middle of the desk. _'I **know** that wasn't there a few minutes ago.'_ He picked it up. His name was written on it, in a familiar flowing script. He opened it, pulled out the single sheet of paper, and began reading.

_"Let me confess that we two must be twain,   
Although our undivided loves are one:   
So shall those blots that do with me remain,   
Without thy help, by me be borne alone.   
In our two loves there is but one respect,   
Though in our lives a separable spite,   
Which though it alter not love's sole effect,   
Yet doth it steal sweet hours from love's delight.   
I may not evermore acknowledge thee,   
Lest my bewailed guilt should do thee shame,   
Nor thou with public kindness honor me,   
Unless thou take that honor from thy name:   
But do not so, I love thee in such sort,   
As thou being mine, mine is thy good report."_

AJ sat heavily in his desk chair. He felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him. _'Love? Does she love me?'_ He dropped his head in his hands. _'What have I done?'_

He pulled out a pen and a piece of paper, and began writing.


	13. Part 13

Title: Sonnets of Life Part 13 

Disclaimers in Part 1

* * *

Sonnet 92 

Thursday, 5 December 2002   
Legal Affairs Office   
MCB Quantico   
Quantico, VA   
1500 ZULU

Mac sighed, and stretched. _'For a Marine-run office, this place is a mess!'_ she thought.

Mac had arrived to her new duty station on Tuesday, and got settled into her BOQ. She reported to General Albanese at 0800 sharp on Wednesday, and he explained what her duties would be. _'Have a lot to do before this place can be really efficient.'_ She immediately drew up plans for a new library; currently, any books the staff had were strewn all about: in the bullpen, in the lawyers' offices... She also requested that a couple of new lawyers to be assigned to the Legal office. There just weren't enough to go around these days. She was jolted from her thoughts by a knock on her door.

"Enter," she called. Her yeoman, Corporal Whitman, opened the door.

"Mail, Colonel. Oh, and this package came for you. It doesn't have a return address, but it is marked 'Personal', so I didn't want to open it without your permission, ma'am."

"Thank you, Corporal. You're right to have left it unopened. Dismissed."

As the Corporal left, Mac looked at the package curiously. _'I wonder who this could be from?'_ She set it aside and got to work on the pile of mail on her desk. _'Yes!'_ she thought triumphantly. Her request for more staff had been approved. She could now start looking for just the right officers.

At 1200, Mac took her lunch break. She stared at the package sitting on her desk while eating her sandwich. _'Oh, just do it already!'_ she told herself, exasperated.

Slowly, she tore the brown paper wrapping off of the long, rectangular box. A cardboard box, which she now impatiently opened, was contained in the wrapper.

She gasped as she lifted the item from the box. It was a silver, heart-shaped jewelry box. _'It's beautiful!'_ she thought. Carefully setting it down on her desk, she opened the lid. A music box started tinkling, but her attention was caught by the small slip of paper the box contained. She picked it up. Tears came to her eyes as she read.

_"But do thy worst to steal thyself away,   
For term of life thou art assured mine;   
And life no longer than thy love will stay,   
For it depends upon that love of thine.   
Then need I not to fear the worst of wrongs,   
When in the least of them my life hath end.   
I see a better state to me belongs   
Than that which on thy humor doth depend:   
Thou canst not vex me with inconstant mind,   
Since that my life on thy revolt doth lie.   
O! What a happy title do I find,   
Happy to have thy love, happy to die!_

Sarah, this jewelry box represents how I see you. You are a beautiful woman, but you are also a Marine through and through."

Mac laughed out loud as she realized what the music box was playing. The Marine Corps Hymn!

_"This sonnet also gives my thoughts on your leaving. I'm not going to let you go without a fight, Sarah. I am sorry for hurting you by running out that night. I didn't mean to hurt you, but I had to think of what would happen--of the regs. If you hadn't left JAG, Sarah, I would have resigned."_

_'Oh, no, AJ! I would never have forced you to do that!'_ Mac thought.

_"I know...you wouldn't have wanted that. But, Sarah...I love you. I don't know when I realized it. I suppose it was when I almost lost you. You came so close to dying, Sarah, and I was scared, truly terrified, in a way that I had never been before. I almost lost you, when I never really had you._

Sarah, when you're ready, please, call me.

Love, AJ"

Mac laughed joyfully. _'AJ loves me! Harriet was right! He loves me!'_ She thrilled to the thought. Mac glanced at the postscript.

_"P.S. Harriet is the one to thank for the jewelry box. Smart woman, isn't she?"_

She giggled. _'I should have known...Harriet is such a schemer!'_ She would have to thank Harriet somehow. She picked up the phone.

  


Friday, 13 December 2002   
Roberts Residence   
Rosslyn, VA   
2300 ZULU

"Hi, Mac! Come on in!"

"Hi, Harriet. So, are you ready for your big weekend!"

"Definitely! Listen, thanks so much for taking care of little AJ. I was going out of my mind trying to find a baby-sitter for the entire weekend."

"Don't worry about it, Harriet. I had a favor to return," she winked here, and Harriet giggled, "and besides, I love spending time with my godson! Hey, AJ!" Mac said as little AJ bounded around the corner.

"Auntie Mac!! Pick me up, pick me up!"

"Whoa, whoa! All right, AJ, calm down, I'll pick you up!" Mac bent over and scooped the little boy up into her arms, tossing him into the air. Little AJ screamed with laughter.

Bud came down the stairs, calling, "Harriet, honey, you ready?"

"Yes, I'm ready, Bud!"

As Harriet and Bud made their way out the door, Mac called, "Have a good time, you two!"

Harriet replied, "Oh, we will!" She chuckled, smirking. _'And you'll have a weekend you'll never forget!'_

They got into the minivan, and Harriet pulled out her cell phone. "Hello, Admiral? It's Lieutenant Sims. Operation Shakespeare is ready to commence!"


	14. Part 14

Sonnets of Life Part 14 

Disclaimers in Part 1

* * *

Sonnet 153 

Saturday, 14 December 2002   
Roberts Residence   
Rosslyn, VA   
1100 ZULU

"AUNTIE MAC! AUNTIE MAC! WAKE UP!" AJ Roberts came bounding into the bedroom, screaming with excitement. Mac bolted awake, automatically reaching into the nightstand for her service revolver. When she realized it wasn't there, she remembered where she was. She pressed a hand to her racing heart.

"AJ, you scared me! Don't do that again, OK?"

"'Kay! Can we go see the dinosaurs now?" Mac had promised to take him to the Museum of Natural History that day, and AJ was wired.

Mac groaned. "Now?! AJ, it's only 0602! Let's have some breakfast first, and get you dressed. While I'm taking my shower, you can watch cartoons. Does that sound good?"

"Yeah!!" AJ flew out of the room and down the stairs. Mac shook her head and rolled out of bed.

An hour later, both were washed, dressed, and ready to go 'see the dinosaurs', as little AJ kept chanting. They were about to open the door when the doorbell rang. Mac looked at little AJ, and asked, "Now, who could that be?"

"I dunno. Open the door!" He lunged for the handle before Mac could stop him.

"AJ, wait!" But the door had already opened. A tired-looking courier stood there with a large bouquet of roses.

"Are you Sarah Mackenzie?" he asked irritably.

"Yes, I am."

"These are for you. If you'll sign here," he said, shoving the clipboard at Mac. She signed, handing it back to the man.

"Here you go, ma'am. Have a nice day." He gave her the flowers, stomping down the steps and back to the van.

"What's **his** problem?" Mac wondered. She carried the flowers inside and started looking for a vase. She lightly touched one delicate white blossom. She noticed a card tucked inside the flowers, and pulled it out.

_"I will attend her here,   
And woo her with some spirit when she comes.   
Say that she rail; why then I'll tell her plain   
She sings as sweetly as a nightingale:   
Say that she frown, I'll say she looks as clear   
As morning roses newly washed with dew:   
Say she be mute and will not speak a word;   
Then I'll commend her volubility,   
And say she uttereth piercing eloquence:   
If she do bid me pack, I'll give her thanks,   
As though she bid me stay by her a week:   
If she deny to wed, I'll crave the day   
When I shall ask the banns and when be married."_

Mac smiled. She knew whom these were from. Even if she hadn't recognized the writing, only AJ would have sent such a message. 'But how did he...Harriet! I thought she had a "cat that swallowed the canary" look on her face when she left!'

Interrupting Mac's thoughts, little AJ grabbed her hand, tugging on it. "Come **on**! Let's **go**!"

Laughing at the child's impatience, Mac said, "All right, we're going, we're going!"

  


Saturday, 14 December 2002   
Museum of Natural History   
Washington, DC   
1730 ZULU

"So, AJ, you ready for lunch?"

"Yeah! Can we go to McDonald's?"

"Sure, why not? Do you want a hamburger?"

"Uh-huh. And fries, and soda, and a toy!"

"Oh, OK." Mac laughed a bit. AJ let go of her hand and started running. Mac stopped laughing. "AJ! AJ, get back here!" She ran after the little boy.

She caught up with him just as a familiar person stopped him.

"Hi, 'Mander Turner!"

"Hey, little buddy, how you doing?"

"Sturgis! What are you doing here?"

"Same thing as you, Mac. Enjoying the exhibits. Oh, and I have something to give to you."

Mac raised an eyebrow. "Really? Like what?"

Sturgis handed her a piece of paper and a stuffed animal. "Here you go. Have a nice day, you two."

Mac unfolded the paper and sighed.

_"And even for that do I love you the more.   
I am your spaniel;   
The more you beat me, I will fawn on you:   
Use me but as your spaniel, spurn me, strike me,   
Neglect me, lose me; only give me leave,   
Unworthy as I am, to follow you.   
What worser place can I beg in your love,   
And yet a place of high respect with me,   
Than to be used as you use your dog?"_

_'What are you doing, AJ?'_ Mac wondered. Whatever it was, she wasn't about to complain. This was more romance than she had had in over a year. No man she had ever been with had done anything like this for her.

AJ squealed, "Doggy!"

"Yes, AJ, it's a doggy. Would you like to hold it?"

"Uh-huh!" He grabbed the small stuffed dog and hugged it to his chest.

"Let's go get some lunch now, OK?"

"'Kay!"

  


Saturday, 14 December 2002   
Roberts Residence   
Rosslyn, VA   
0100 ZULU

Mac sighed and stood up. AJ had finally dropped off to sleep. She had to read him three stories before he would submit to his exhaustion. Even asleep, though, he wouldn't let go of the stuffed animal Mac had received that afternoon.

Mac went down to the living room and started putting away the toys that were strewn all over the floor. She yawned. _'No wonder Harriet looks tired all the time! I never knew a three-year-old could have so much energy!'_ She proceeded into the kitchen, cleaning the dinner mess. She smiled softly as she glanced at the roses sitting on the kitchen counter.

She finished cleaning up, and went upstairs. She changed into her pajamas, and climbed into bed. As she did, she noticed a tape recorder resting on the nightstand, with a sign taped on it that said: 'Play me.' She pressed the play button, and a familiar voice emanated from the speaker.

"Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast!   
Would I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest!

Good night, Sarah."

Mac murmured happily, "Good night, AJ," as she let sleep overtake her.

  


Sunday, 15 December 2002   
Roberts Residence   
Rosslyn, VA   
1200 ZULU

The telephone rang, waking Mac. She rolled over and lifted the receiver. "Roberts residence. Lieutenant Colonel Mackenzie speaking."

A deep voice came from the other end.

"Cupid laid by his brand and fell asleep:   
A maid of Dian's this advantage found,   
And his love-kindling fire did quickly steep   
In a cold valley-fountain of that ground;   
Which borrowed from this holy fire of Love,   
A dateless lively heat, still to endure,   
And grew a seething bath, which yet men prove   
Against strange maladies a sovereign cure.   
But at my mistress' eye Love's brand new-fired,   
The boy for trial needs would touch my breast;   
I, sick withal, the help of bath desired,   
And thither hied, a sad distempered guest,   
But found no cure, the bath for my help lies   
Where Cupid got new fire; my mistress' eyes."

Mac, whose mind was still a bit fuzzy, thought, _'AJ?'_ Before she could say anything, the person hung up. Mac yawned. _'At least I got to sleep an hour later today!'_ She wanted to relax for a bit, but her charge came running down the hallway and took a flying leap into the bed. _'What a start to the day!'_

Little AJ kept Mac running until 1800 hours, when his parents arrived home.

"Harriet, hi!" Mac yelled over the sounds of blasting and zapping coming from the television.

"Hi, Mac. Was he good?" Harriet, being a mother, was able to hear easily over the same noises.

"Oh, he was great." She disappeared into the living room. "AJ! Mommy's home!"

"MOMMY!!" AJ came scampering around the corner. "Hi, Mommy! Guess what? We saw the dinosaurs, and Auntie Mac got presents,and we went to McDonald's, and we played Marines, and..." AJ continued to babble in his mother's ear. Bud came into the house, and AJ proceeded to tell him the same things.

Harriet looked at Mac with a curious look on her face. "Presents, Mac?"

Mac grinned. "Yeah. Someone sent me flowers yesterday morning, and I got the cutest little stuffed dog yesterday. AJ hasn't let that thing out of his sight. I don't know how I'm going to get it back, but anyway... I also had a wake-up call this morning at 0700, a recording last night, and the gifts both had such romantic notes attached to them..." Mac trailed off. She regained her train of thought. "I think you know something about this, Harriet," she accused.

"Me? Why would you think that, Mac?" Harriet asked innocently.

"Don't give me that, Harriet," Mac said, scowling playfully. "You know very well you and Bud were the only ones who knew that I would be here this weekend, and Bud wouldn't think of saying anything about it. I think you called AJ and told him that I would be here. What are you plotting?"

"I plead the fifth, counselor," Harriet replied, turning to hide her smirk.

"You've been hanging around lawyers too long," Mac grumbled. "Well, I gotta go now; I need to get back to base." She gathered her belongings, said goodbye to her friends, and left. She had a dreamy look on her face, thinking of how she could thank AJ for the wonderful gifts. Harriet saw this, and smiled happily. She picked up the cordless phone by the front door.

"Admiral? Operation Shakespeare was a complete success! She was so happy when she left that I thought she would start skipping to her car! I think she wanted to go find you and thank you, but she didn't want to be late for work tomorrow," Harriet giggled.

"Oh, the op isn't complete yet, Lieutenant." AJ grinned widely. _'I don't want her to be late for work tomorrow, either!'_


	15. Part 15

Sonnets of Life Part 15 

Disclaimers in Part 1

* * *

Sonnet 135 

Monday, 16 December 2002   
Legal Affairs Office   
MCB Quantico   
Quantico, VA   
1330 ZULU

Mac was happy. Happier than she had been in a long time. She had had a great weekend caring for her godson, although she was a bit exhausted from chasing him around for two days. And the notes...she sighed. They hadn't stopped at Harriet and Bud's house. When she got back to her quarters, another bouquet of roses, pink ones this time, sat on her bureau. _'Perfect happiness,'_ she thought, a smile touching the corners of her lips. The accompanying note just said to expect another one today at the office. Mac waited until 0900 hours, when she had to get to her staff meeting. There, she handed out new assignments and wrapped up old ones. She was content with her new post. Even though she loved litigation, she really enjoyed her position.

Around 1100 hours, a delivery arrived. Mac could hear the buzzing of gossip from the bullpen in her office. She stepped outside. "Is something the matter?"

"No, ma'am!" Corporal Whitman replied. "You have a delivery, ma'am." He handed her the vase of flowers.

"Thank you, Corporal." She smiled and headed back to her office. Shaking her head and closing the door to the speculation she could hear, she set the vase down on the desk. _'**Coral** roses, AJ?'_ She shivered at the significance of the color. Coral roses stood for desire. She reached for the card that she knew would be included. She gasped and blushed as she read the...rather explicit...love note.

Mac collapsed into her desk chair. "Oh, god, AJ..." Heat ran through her body. _'What was he thinking, sending this to me at the office? Is he insane?'_ A wicked smile began to curve at her lips. _'So, he thinks I'm just going to sit back and take this?'_ "Oh, AJ, I'm gonna fix your little red wagon!" she said aloud to the empty office.

  


Tuesday, 17 December 2002   
JAG Ops   
Falls Church, VA   
1600 ZULU

Admiral AJ Chegwidden sat at his desk, working on ever-present piles of paperwork. He heard the commotion in the bullpen, and left his office. "Is something going on that I should know about?" he asked in his commanding voice. When the officers heard him, they all came to attention. "As you were," he said. He repeated his question.

"Well, Admiral," Harriet began, "it seems you have a delivery, sir."

AJ quirked an eyebrow. "A delivery, Lieutenant?" He gestured for her to follow him.

"Yes, sir," she confirmed. Lifting the item, she carried it to his office. She set it down on the desk. Leaning in, she said in a stage whisper, "I believe it's from Colonel Mackenzie, sir."

Nodding absently, AJ dismissed Harriet. She left the office, grinning broadly. Mac had called her last night to request her help. Harriet was more than happy to oblige--providing her commanding officer wouldn't find out.

AJ looked curiously at the plant. _'A cactus?'_ He picked up the note. The paper was similar to that on which he had been sending his own. _'Uh-oh.'_

_"Whoever hath her wish, thou hast thy Will,   
And Will to boot, and Will in over-plus;   
More than enough am I that vexed thee still,   
To thy sweet will making addition thus.   
Wilt thou, whose will is large and spacious,   
Not once vouchsafe to hide my will in thine?   
Shall will in others seem right gracious,   
And in my will no fair acceptance shine?   
The sea, all water, yet receives rain still,   
And in abundance addeth to his store;   
So thou, being rich in Will, add to thy Will   
One will of mine, to make thy large will more.   
Let no unkind, no fair beseechers kill;   
Think all but one, and me in that one Will."_

AJ reddened and reread the note incredulously. _'My god, Sarah!'_ He couldn't believe she would send him something like this! _'Of course she would, Chegwidden! She's a Marine, remember? She didn't just step out of a convent. You should've known she wouldn't have let that last note slide.'_ He grinned and pushed the intercom button. "Tiner, get Legal Affairs at Quantico on the line. Colonel Mackenzie's office."

  


Tuesday, 17 December 2002   
Legal Affairs Office   
MCB Quantico   
Quantico, VA   
1630 ZULU

"Colonel, Admiral Chegwidden is on line 2, ma'am."

"Thank you, Corporal. Harriet, I have to go." Mac said, excitement lacing her voice.

Harriet giggled. "Ooh, did **he** call?" she teased lightly.

"Goodbye, Harriet," she replied, laughing slightly. Pressing the button to switch lines, she answered briskly, "Lieutenant Colonel Mackenzie."

"Sarah, are you trying to kill me?!"

Mac chuckled, and said, "I guess you got my note, sailor."

AJ groaned, "Oh, I got it all right...I have something else now, as well. Shame on you, woman! What if Tiner had gotten it first? How in the world would I have explained that?" Shouts of laughter sounded from the other end. "It isn't funny!"

"Oh, yes, it is! Payback's a bitch, AJ. You should know by now not to issue a challenge to a Marine."

"So I guess you got my note as well?" AJ asked, a bit huskily.

At the sound of AJ's voice, Mac shivered. Her voice breathy, she answered, "Yes, I got your note. AJ, **what** were you thinking, sending something like that to the office?"

"I guess that I wanted to bring a little excitement to your day. Did it work?"

"Yeah, it definitely worked, AJ. Listen, I have to get back to work now, but..."

"I have to get back to work now, but..." They both laughed. "Go ahead, Sarah."

"Well, I was wondering...if you would have dinner with me this weekend. Say, Friday night?"

AJ smiled. "I would love to. In fact, I believe that I owe you a dinner at Callisto's, don't I?"

"Yes, you do," she replied playfully. She sobered. "Then afterward, maybe we could talk."

AJ sighed. He knew this was coming, but he couldn't...and wouldn't...stop it. "Sure, Sarah. I guess we **should** talk, huh?"

"Yes, AJ, we should. So, Friday?"

"Friday," he confirmed. "I'll call you back later to let you know when our reservations are for."

"All right. Goodbye, AJ."

"Goodbye, Sarah."

They hung up, smiles of anticipation lighting both their faces.


	16. Part 16

Sonnets of Life Part 16 

Disclaimers in Part 1.

* * *

Sweet love, renew thy force; be it not said   
Thy edge should blunter be than appetite,   
Which but today by feeding is allayed,   
Tomorrow sharpened in his former might:   
So, love, be thou, although today thou fill   
Thy hungry eyes, even till they wink with fullness,   
Tomorrow see again, and do not kill   
The spirit of love, with a perpetual dullness.   
Let this sad interim like the ocean be   
Which parts the shore, where two contracted new   
Come daily to the banks, that when they see   
Return of love, more blest may be the view;   
Or call it winter, which being full of care,   
Makes summer's welcome, thrice more wished, more rare.   
--Sonnet 61   


Friday, 20 December 2002   
Chegwidden Residence   
McLean, VA   
0300 ZULU

"Come on in. Would you like something to drink?"

"Sure. Ah, water would be fine, thanks."

Now that it was time for their 'talk', both AJ and Mac were nervous. They had gotten through dinner nicely, laughing and chatting as if they were old friends. Mac talked about her new duty station, and all of the things she was doing to make it run smoother; and AJ brought her up-to-date on everyone at JAG. They talked about personal likes and dislikes, hobbies, all sorts of topics. AJ had invited Mac to stay at his house for the weekend, so they could spend time together and get to know each other better. Mac agreed. She couldn't think of a better way to spend two days, than with AJ.

AJ came back into the room with two glasses of water. He handed Mac's to her, and sat beside her on the couch. They sat for a few minutes, unsure of what to say. Finally, Mac broke the silence.

"This is ridiculous! Here we are, two fairly rational, mature adults--**lawyers**, for crying out loud--and we can't even start a simple conversation!"

AJ smiled. "You're right, it is pretty silly. All right, I suppose I'll go first. Sarah...that night, at the hospital..." he struggled to find the right words to say. Mac sat patiently, not interrupting, allowing him to organize his thoughts.

"I guess I panicked. I knew of my feelings for you; but at the same time, I knew I shouldn't have those feelings. They were against the regs, and I knew that I wouldn't do anything to break those regulations. But when I kissed you...all of those thoughts flew out the window. The strength of my feelings for you terrified me. I knew then that my career wasn't as important to me as it once was, and if you had shown any sign of reciprocating my feelings, I would have thrown it away with both hands. I was scared of change, I guess. For so long, my career, the Navy, was all I had. When faced with a decision...I took the coward's way out, and ran. Then, when I heard you had requested a transfer...I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Sarah...why **did** you transfer?" He looked at her expectantly.

Mac inhaled deeply. She had been expecting a question like this. "I couldn't see you again, AJ. Not after you hurt me like that." He opened his mouth to speak, and Mac put a finger to his lips, quieting him. "AJ, I had loved you for so long, and had had to hide those feelings, even from myself, for the same amount of time...that letting those feelings show was a great relief. Of course, that relief was short-lived," she said, letting out a bitter laugh, "considering the fact that you just ran. AJ, I let down my defenses for you. I let you see the real me, the one I haven't revealed for a long time. I let you in, and you kicked me down. And then, when you didn't come by for three weeks...when you didn't even try to contact me...I felt like my heart had been torn out of my chest." She choked on a sob. "I couldn't see you again, because I knew I would have flung myself at you and begged you to never let go."

Tears came to AJ's eyes as he saw the extent of the pain he had inflicted on this wonderful woman. He reached out and took her in his arms. "Oh, god, Sarah, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. I never want to hurt you again. I can't promise that I won't. You know what they say--'you only hurt the ones you love.'"

Mac looked up at him, eyes wide, tears still trickling down her cheeks. "Do you love me, AJ?" She held her breath.

He gazed at her incredulously. _'How can she still question that?'_ Then he realized that he had never said the words aloud, and that she needed to hear them. He smiled softly. She had the answer from the light in his eyes. "Yes, Sarah. I love you."

Those three simple words had such a glorious effect on Mac's features that AJ swore she would hear them every day for the rest of her life. Her eyes just lit up, like someone had turned on a switch. She graced him with the most beautiful smile AJ had ever seen. Then, she answered, "Good. Because I love you, too, AJ Chegwidden, and I'm not letting you go."

At the look of intense pleasure and happiness on AJ's face, Mac made the same silent vow AJ had made. She wouldn't let a day go by without telling this man, the man she loved with all her heart, just how much he meant to her.

Pulling her closer, AJ gently brushed his lips over hers. Mac sighed, circling her arms around his neck. It was a soft kiss, but full of passion, nonetheless. They sat like this for a few minutes, arms wrapped around each other, lips barely touching.

AJ ran his tongue along the seam of Mac's lips, and she opened to him. When Mac felt AJ's tongue sliding along hers, she moaned. AJ didn't back away this time; instead, he deepened the kiss. Leaning back, Mac pulled AJ down with her.

Breaking the kiss, AJ nipped and kissed his way up Mac's jawline to her ear. Sucking her earlobe into his mouth, he swirled his tongue around it. Mac gasped and began squirming beneath him. Chuckling, AJ started to nibble down Mac's neck. He skimmed his hands over the smooth material of her dress. They ran down her arms...over her hips...back up to her breasts.

Mac stopped squirming and started pressing her body into AJ's in an effort to get closer. She raked her hands up his back and across his scalp, eliciting a groan from him. AJ stopped moving his hands and rested them lightly on her breasts. Mac whimpered as AJ tugged the bodice of the dress down, revealing her breasts. She gasped, her eyes snapping open, when she felt AJ's lips brush her nipple through the fabric of her bra. She looked down at AJ, who had a wolfish grin on his face. He eased open the front clasp of her bra and covered her breasts with his broad palms, massaging them briefly. He lowered his mouth to one, licking and nipping at it. He started at the outside, working his way towards the center. He sucked her nipple into his mouth, flicking his tongue over it, causing shivers throughout her body. Mac felt the desire coursing through her veins like wildfire. She moaned deep in her throat, grasping AJ's head and holding it to her. The noises Mac was making went straight to AJ's groin. He rocked his hips into hers, pressing his erection into Mac's soft heat. Mac began to undulate against AJ, attempting to ease the sweet tension humming throughout her body. "AJ, please," she whimpered.

AJ looked up at Mac's face. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes heavy-lidded and bright with desire. Her breath was coming in short pants. Her breasts were exposed to his hungry gaze, red and swollen from his lips and teeth. "Touch me, AJ," she whispered huskily. This, and the inviting look in her eyes, almost broke the tight rein he had over his control...but not quite. "No, Sarah, not yet," he said hoarsely, breathing deeply, trying to calm his body's reaction to the sight.

Mac sat up, eyes blazing. The mood was broken. "What do you mean, not yet?" she demanded harshly. She started straightening her clothing.

AJ grabbed her hands and held them tightly in his. "Look at me. Sarah, **look** at me," he commanded. She looked, and he continued. "Sarah, I want the first time we make love to be special. I don't want it to be a quickie on the couch. I want you in my bed, where I can love you all night long, in the way you deserve. Besides...this is only our first date. Are you really the type of woman who sleeps with a man on the first date?" he teased gently, trying to cajole her back into good spirits. It worked.

Mac chuckled, sending a wave of desire washing through AJ again. "AJ, when the man looks like you...and makes me feel the way you do...there's a **lot** I'll do on the first date." She sobered. "But I understand what you mean. And if you think about it, I haven't even been out of your command for a month. If we start a relationship this soon, people may talk."

"Truthfully, Sarah, I haven't given that much thought. But you're right. Although, I do think that they would be a bit afraid to gossip behind our backs. So...are you upset with me for wanting to wait?" he asked, a bit hesitantly.

"No, AJ...but the next time I stay at your house, I expect the sleeping arrangements to be a bit different!" He laughed, relieved that she wasn't angry with him.

"Believe me, Sarah, so do I!" he growled in her ear. Mac convulsed at the sound of his voice.

"AJ, don't do that unless you want me to take you here on the couch!" she breathed urgently.

His eyes flamed with lust at the image that popped into his mind, but he remained true to his word. "Not yet, Marine; but soon!" He stood, and helped Mac to her feet. He led her to the guest bedroom, and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Any more, and we'll end up against the wall."

Mac smiled seductively. "That doesn't seem like such a bad place. Against the wall...on the couch...on the table...in the bathtub..."

"Sarah!" AJ groaned. "You're not playing fair!"

She took pity on him and said, "Good night, AJ." She leaned forward and kissed his cheek. He kissed her forehead and said, "Good night, Sarah."

AJ groaned as he closed the door to his bedroom. It had taken all of his discipline and self-control to walk away and leave them both wanting. He hoped Mac understood why he wanted to wait. He wanted their first time to be something she would never forget.

Mac sighed, and closed the door at the same time AJ closed his. _'I wish I could be in there right now!'_ she thought, turning to prepare for bed. _'I know his reasoning behind waiting, but...we've waited for seven **years**!'_ She smirked, her mind turning to ways of breaking down his restraint. It wouldn't be easy, but...she would think of something.


	17. Part 17a

Sonnets of Life Part 17a 

Disclaimers in Part 1

* * *

Sonnet 116   


Tuesday, 24 December 2002   
Roberts Residence   
Rosslyn, VA   
0100 ZULU

AJ covertly eyed Mac over his water glass. She looked stunning. She had arrived late, "emergency at the office," she had explained hastily, so AJ hadn't escorted her to the party that the Roberts were hosting. _'A good thing, too; if she hadn't, we never would've made it past the driveway!'_ She was wearing a deep burgundy dress with black faux-fur trim. It was high-necked, but clung to her like a second skin. He noticed when she walked over to greet him that it fit smoothly **everywhere**--she wasn't wearing any underwear. He groaned inaudibly at the memory.

Mac smirked. She knew the effect she was having on him...especially the articles she had "forgotten" to put on. From the time she left Sunday evening until that morning, she had been teasing AJ with long phone calls, messages on his answering machine, and erotic e-mails. Both of them were in a heightened state of arousal by this time, but she wasn't giving up. Mac was determined to make him crack. She knew what AJ's Christmas present was going to be: her. She planned on slipping away early from the midnight service, going to AJ's, and planting herself under his Christmas tree until he came home. She smirked, and would've snickered aloud, but she was in the middle of a conversation with Harriet, who was trying to pump her for information about how her and AJ's relationship was going.

"Come on, Mac. You can tell me! Please, even just the bare bones!"

"Alright, Harriet, I'll tell you--but later. The walls have ears," she murmured, gesturing to Harm and his date, who were talking nearby.

She and Harm had come to a mutual agreement earlier in the evening; they would rather ignore each other whenever possible and be civil when forced to interact, than antagonize each other all night. It worked pretty well.

She and Harriet worked their way back into the living room, where Bud was holding court, telling Harm stories. It was good to see that the young lawyer didn't hold his mentor on a pedestal anymore. He didn't play all of his actions down, but he didn't edit all of the stories so that Harm came out perfect, either. Mac, who had been present for most of the events being recounted, worked her way over to the corner where AJ stood.

"Hi."

AJ smiled. "Hi. Crazy here tonight, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Harriet certainly goes all out for her parties, doesn't she?"

"She pulls it off well, though." They stood in comfortable silence. AJ reached into his pants pocket, fingering the box that resided there. He hoped he could get up the courage to give it to Mac tonight. He wanted to wait for just the right moment... _'Oh, hell, admit it, Chegwidden; you're afraid she'll reject you!'_

Mac watched the play of emotions on AJ's face. "AJ? Something wrong?"

AJ glanced at Mac, and grinned to cover his thoughts. "No, nothing's wrong; just thinking."

"About what?"

"Nothing important."

Mac smiled. She wasn't fully convinced, but she let the subject drop.

An hour later, AJ finally made the decision. _'Suck it up, Chegwidden; just do it! It's not like you're facing a firing squad!'_ He walked over to Harriet. "Lieutenant, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Certainly, sir!" Leaning over to Bud, she said, "Be right back." She walked out of the living room and into the empty kitchen.

Mac watched the two leave the room, but didn't follow. She decided that she didn't want to know what they were plotting this time.

They came back. Harriet walked over to the CD player and cut the music. "If I can have everyone's attention, please?" The conversations began to die down, and eventually petered out. "Thank you. Admiral Chegwidden has something he'd like to say."

AJ stepped forward and thanked Harriet. "Sarah? Would you come over here, please?" Most of the staff was expecting something like this; after all, scuttlebutt did get around. However, they were amazed by the amount of tenderness in their CO's voice, which was loud and commanding most of the time.

Mac walked over to AJ, who stood in the center of the room. Both smiled as AJ took Mac's hands in his. He began to speak, and Mac tried to regulate her breathing before she began to hyperventilate. _'Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod,'_ was the only thought in her head.

"Let me not to the marriage of true minds   
Admit impediments. Love is not love   
Which alters when it alteration finds,   
Or bends with the remover to remove:   
O, no! It is an ever-fixed mark,   
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;   
It is the star to every wandering bark,   
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.   
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks   
Within his bending sickle's compass come;   
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,   
But bears it out e'en to the edge of doom.   
If this be error and upon me proved,   
I never writ, nor no man ever loved." 

As he finished the sonnet, AJ bent down on one knee. Mac's eyes got very wide. She felt faint, and began to tremble. _'Pull it together, Marine!'_ she screamed silently at herself.

"Sarah, I love you like I've loved no one else in my life. When we almost lost you, I didn't know what I would do. Then when I hurt you--I felt like I had cut out my own heart." His voice got thick, and he continued. "Sarah, I've made some mistakes in my life; I've had some bad luck with women; but this doesn't feel like a mistake." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring box. Mac gasped as he opened the box. The ring sparkled as it caught the light. "Sarah, I'm not trying to rush you into a decision, but I do want you to know my intentions. I don't want you for a brief fling, or even a short-term relationship. I want you forever, Sarah Mackenzie. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

The entire room held its collective breath, awaiting Mac's decision. Most of the women had tears streaming down their faces from hearing the eloquent proposal.

Mac held a brief struggle in her mind. The independent Marine, Colonel Mackenzie, said, _'This could wreak havoc on your careers! You know how people talk! Besides, haven't you had enough of men trying to run your life?'_

Sarah, the woman, said, _'Shut up! AJ loves me, and I love him. I don't care about my career as much as I care about him. AJ doesn't want to run my life. He will wait; I'm sure of it...not that I'm going to make him.'_ For once, the woman made the right decision.

She smiled at AJ. It was tender, passionate, and loving all at once. Her nerves were now calm. "Yes," she whispered. She raised her voice. "Yes, AJ, I will marry you." Her reward was a beautiful grin, as AJ slipped the diamond engagement ring onto her left ring finger. She looked at it, then back at him. When AJ stood, she flung her arms around his neck, kissing him passionately. Their friends cheered and applauded. At the first wolf-whistle, they broke apart. They were almost embarrassed, but it was impossible to be embarrassed with how happy they both were.

They stood through the rounds of congratulations. It seemed like everyone at JAG had congratulated them sometime during the course of the evening. Finally, before they left to attend the midnight service, Bud raised his glass. "A toast to friends," he gazed at the JAG Ops team assembled in his living room, "family," he looked over to Harriet, who had a happy smile on her face, "and love, old and new. Here's to Sarah and the Admiral--"

AJ interrupted with, "Son, call me AJ! We're in an informal setting; I just proposed to my fiancée in your living room, for god's sake!" Everyone laughed.

Bud smiled, and started again. "Here's to Sarah...and AJ..." AJ nodded. "And the best Christmas present you could give to your friends--your happiness. Best wishes from all of us at JAG."

"Here, here!" the group called.

AJ looked down at Mac... _'My fiancée,'_ he thought proudly. She had a strange look on her face. It was a mixture of happiness and sorrow, as if she were reliving a memory. He leaned down and murmured, "Sarah? You OK, darlin'?"

She looked up and smiled at AJ. "Just thinking of the last time Bud gave a toast with all of us in one room."

AJ thought back to just over a year ago...to Sarah's rehearsal dinner. He recalled the beautiful toast Bud gave when he finally arrived. He also remembered Sarah's apprehension and mixed feelings about her impending nuptials to that damned Australian. He felt his heart constrict. _'Oh, god...did I push her into this too quickly?'_

Mac saw the look on AJ's face. Her eyes widened, and she put her hand on AJ's cheek. "No, AJ. Look at me. You did **not** rush me into anything I didn't want. I am not the same woman I was when I accepted Mic's proposal. I'll have to tell you the circumstances surrounding that...event...later, but for now, know this: I love you, AJ Chegwidden. I want to be by your side forever. Don't **ever** doubt that."

AJ smiled, relieved. He turned his head and planted a kiss in the palm of Mac's hand. "I love you too, darlin'." Mac shivered at his slightly husky tone of voice. "So, shall we go?"

Mac leaned up and planted a hasty kiss on AJ's lips. "Just a minute." She disappeared upstairs.

Harriet walked over. "Congratulations again, sir. You both look very happy."

AJ smiled softly at the lieutenant. "Oh, we are, Harriet. And I'd like to thank you."

"For what, sir?" Harriet asked innocently.

"For everything. For convincing Sarah not to give up when she was in the hospital, for giving me a swift kick in the six when I couldn't see the light, for arranging all of those deliveries..." He stopped as Bud walked up to them. "Your wife is a very special woman, Bud."

"That she is, sir, that she is." Bud smiled at his beautiful young wife, who smiled radiantly in return.

Mac returned, in a green wool pantsuit, bag in hand. "Sarah? Where's your dress?"

She laughed. "Well, as nice as it was, I couldn't see myself attending a religious service in it." She leaned over and whispered in AJ's ear, "Especially with what I had on--or **didn't** have on--underneath." She grinned wickedly at AJ's groan.

"Don't remind me; it's going to be hard enough sitting through the service." Mac laughed at his unintentional pun. "Don't make me accost you in the middle of the church!" he rumbled threateningly.

"Later, AJ, later...and if you don't, **I'll** probably accost **you**!"

Chuckling, they made their way out to their cars.

* * *

Author's notes: Thanks to all my reviewers! I hope you enjoyed my story! Yes, this only goes through part 17a; part 17b is rated NC-17, so I can't post it here. For anyone who wants to read the last chapter of the story, e-mail me at kitty72885@yahoo.com for the link.

Thanks again!

--Shannon


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